ChutKut World

Tagore

2011-10-15T10:57:00.001+05:30

I've spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung

Not hammer strokes, but dance of the water sings the pebbles into perfection

The flower that is single need not envy the thorns that are numerous

You cant cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water

By plucking her petals you do not gather the beauty of the flower

The world speaks to me colours my soul answers in music

Trees are earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven

- Rabindranath Tagor

Lagori

2011-09-24T17:05:00.001+05:30

Had stumbled upon a new band from Bangalore's music bylanes! Must admit they have created an impression on my sensibilities with their songs ! Three of their songs are out on the net for a listen:
1. Aasma - free download available ! listen to this song first !
2. Jeene Do - the band's fav song
3. Ni Re Sa -

I love everything about this band till now and hope they are soon recognized. As they are just working on their 4th song, guess an album is a bit far away ! The vocals of Shashank is something that I absolutely trip on ! And good clean meaningful lyrics !

Dunno how much of my recommendation matters but would urge you all to listen to their songs:
http://www.reverbnation.com/fan/control_room/1353846?tab=fan_dashboard&subnav=account_preferences#!/lagori

or on fb

http://www.facebook.com/#!/LagoriIndia

Peace out !
Love
anup

My House

2011-09-19T12:04:00.001+05:30

Check This Out Folks !! What do you think? The living room of the house I currently live in :-) The book shelf is hand made by a friend, the lamp on top of the book shelf is also hand made :-) Just need a 'chataai' as DG sir suggested for the floor ! P.S. - can anyone tell me how to make the picture look bigger than current?

Discovered at the wrong time !

2011-09-05T20:03:00.002+05:30

Well, sometimes you wish that your wish of happiness for someone else were not to come true and yet when it does it leaves you happy and sad at the same time. Happy 'cuz you really want the situation to be happy no matter what... and sad 'cuz there are still things left to be mulled over and pondered over before the happiness can pervade!

Confused ! well.... I have decided to ramble a bit ! State of mind maybe !

damn it, these official trips come on the absolutely wrong days. Today out of a curious coincidence I was thinking of something and then stumbled upon that something through a harmless poke ! Well I am gonna be cryptic here...go hang me if you wish !

I discovered this absolute treasure trove.... this treasure to enlightenment.... this treasure to restlessness...and damn it that I gotta get ready to go to another official trip into Karnataka's hinterland ! Now all I will do is keep thinking about this in the bus and maybe for many days to come !

This is what happens when you stop working and start looking around aimlessly ! you stumble and sometimes stumble for good ! See... i can sense a lot of cryptic creativity inside me right now... good that i gotta stop cuz if i sit here for 5 minutes more, i am gonna be missing my bus and my deal !

A song not yet understood

2011-09-05T19:25:00.002+05:30

Would this do
To make it all right
While sleep has taken you
Where I'm out of sight

I'll make my getaway
Time on my own
Search for a better way
To find my way home
To your smile

Wasting days and days
On this night
Always down and up
Half the night

Hopeless to reminisce
Through the dark hours
We'll only sacrifice
What time will allow us
You're sighing... sighing

All alone
Though you're right here
Now it's time to go
From your sad stare

Make my getaway
Time on my own
Needing a better way
To find my way home
To your smile

Can someone help me with this song's actual meaning?

Mish Mash !

2011-08-27T20:33:00.004+05:30

I go around Bangalore every now and then in search of a cheap meal. Pity I fail to find one every time. The city boasts of all kinds of cuisine restaurants and dhabas but when you want a tasty healthy vegetarian food prepared in a hygienic kitchen, you will more often draw a blank.

It is important to dress well even when a guy is single and is out in the city. Invariably all men check out other girls. It irritates girls but then it does not offend them much if you are well dressed and seem to be a harmless guy just giving some health supplement to his eyes. I enjoy it when I look at the girl and she seems to not mind it. It’s fun ! When guys are carelessly dressed or downright pathetically dressed, the girls perceive some sort of a danger to them and hence take offense at even a harmless unintentional glance at them. I might be wrong but hey my opinion.

I have a huge irritation to mothers who accompany their daughters to office interviews ! Why oh why do they think that their daughter needs that extra dose of safety from a bunch of docile, already haggled corporate uncles? Beats me all the time ! They should rather accompany their daughters to the neighbourhood store or to her bus-stop as there are half a dozen uncles peering at her from their balconies, or ruffians trying to brush against her. But on second thoughts even this is not needed as how long will you protect your girl? She has to experience all of this to know how bad the world out there is. As much as I hate to say this but then I have no clue what else to say or do in this regard. Didn’t I just digress from the main topic? Screw it !

When someone says “I have done a lot of research on this and….” What does that mean ? Research is reading up on the net, newspapers, etc? I doubt if that is right. Just reading on some matter does not mean that you have the right to claim expertise on that topic. Especially if the topic is something like JanLokpall bill, gender inequality, economic reforms, love, psychology….etc etc…. and many such topics that do not have a right or a wrong defined. Basically one can make an opinion based on research, but not a statement.

I have a deep abhorrence towards people who smoke. This disgust is manifested only when I see them smoking. I don’t hate them at the other times when they are just normal people without that twig in between their fingers. I find it pathetic that they suck at a piece of stuffed paper, as if it some life force. Isn’t it disgusting that grown up men and women behave so? Come on !

I travel to kerala quite often from Bangalore. Every time I pass through Ettimadai Amrita campus, be it bus or train. And every time I wake up around that time ! strange ! I just need to look at the sky to realize that I am near Amrita – my alma mater ! each and every journey the past 4 years and each and every time this has happened. Amazing !

This curious incident that happened once when i was in Mysore, still makes me smile. I was out near the palace trying to find a place to have breakfast and I ended up in front of a furniture shop. Spotting a mirror on the dressing table kept on display, I instinctively started setting my hair right. I was combing with my fingers, when I noticed the owner of the shop staring at me. I didn’t understand why his gaze was so nasty and his facial expression turning into a dramatic frown ! I guess he was trying to dissuade me from continuing my pruning session. Being the timid boy that I am, I immediately stopped fiddling with my hair in the mirror, said sorry to the shop owner and walked away. I still haven’t for the life of me figured out what I did wrong in that shop. Did I harm the mirror by looking into it? Did the owner think that its value will be reduced if someone peered into it? It’s still a mystery to me. Also I wonder why I had to say sorry to him!!!???

Labouring over issues of Child Labour

2011-06-13T11:19:00.001+05:30

Although I am an emotional and weepy person, social causes have not always stimulated me as much for reasons beyond my comprehension. Lack of stimulation does not mean lack of sensitivity to the issues or lack of any measures to personally not be responsible for the perpetuation of the menaces. But no issue has consistently been there in my mind except for one – child labour. From the time I used to see maids bring their kids to assist them in household chores to eating at eateries where kids served you tea and snacks, this has been a rather irksome bother to me.

The first time I thought of doing something for a social cause was when I decided not to eat at a popular snack joint in Vallabh Vidyanagar, Gujarat. The eatery employed children much below 14 years old and although the owners were nice people who treated the kids with love and fed them well, I somehow could not come around to being served by a 10 year old toothless boy. The tea and the snack just would feel like a lump of mud and stone inside my throat. I one day stopped going there and did not return ever since. This was also the time when the debate inside my head started to foster about the other side of child labour problem i.e the good that the kids get out of working instead of rotting in poverty.

A friend of mine asked me why I was refusing to hang out with them in that joint and although at first I used to make excuses, soon enough I ran out of them as we all know how often college kids hang out in these popular joints. A friend of mine then stimulated the debate I was referring to earlier. He told me how the kids come from poor families who cant afford schooling, and that it will help the kids and their families live a more comfortable life if they work and send some money home. Of course we all know the deep and complex issues and counter-issues of Child Labour so I will not dig into that anymore. Basically even after all these years of conscious effort to stay away from child labour and deep thinking of the malice, I have not been able to figure out a way to help. Is there a solution that an be independently implemented without getting into the intricate web of education, poverty, developmental programmes, affirmative action etc. ?

Today is World Day Against Child Labour – June 12 and I was reading this article in the newspaper which was written by Kailash Satyarthi – Founder of Bachpan Bachao Andolan and chairperson of Global March Against Child Labour. And after 1000 words, I still remain as clueless as before. Sure we know there have been success stories, but that is just a micro-activity done to help some few kids. It is not a holistic solution.

Rather I want to know what a common man/woman like me and countless others should do in order to avoid being an accomplice or a contributor to the scourge of child labour. Should we boycott places and organization or maids who employ children below 14yrs? Should we eat and think that its better that these kids work as they will otherwise perish to poverty? Should we eat and also help them parallel with books and clothes or daily 1 hr classes on literacy aids etc? What should we do?

Learning to Fly

2011-05-07T02:23:00.001+05:30

Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction is holding me fast,
How can I escape this irresistible grasp?

Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

- Pink Floyd

Doctor said "she's dying"

2011-05-01T01:13:00.005+05:30

A person whom you love the most, a person who is your companion so much so that you both are seamlessly bound to each others' lives....such a person, if, is dying, then what do you feel? Does one feel bad and sad because...
1) ...you feel sorry that such a wonderful person will cease to exist?
or
2)... you feel sad for yourself...sad thinking of what are you going to do and how difficult life would be once that person goes out of your life?

What is the reason we all cry when that love of our life dies? Is it selfishness reflected in our sense of loss? or is it the projection of the dying person's pain in your own self due to the closeness of the relationship? or is it the shattering of one's deeply desired dreams and aspirations that were intricately woven around the other person?

What is the real reason behind grief in the face of death of the love of your life?

A gullible stomach

2011-04-22T11:57:00.002+05:30

Sometimes I feel our stomach is so gullible :-P It might be burning with hunger and we would feel we need to eat a substantial meal in order to douse it's hungry fires. But then even a few bits of chips ( worst possible 'meal' ) is enough for you to feel all full again ! What an idiot the stomach is !

A flutter in the heart :-)

2011-04-18T19:20:00.004+05:30

I think Shakira, Beyonce and Katherine Heigl are the world's most beautiful women ! I just can't take my eyes off them whenever I see them on screen. That doesnt mean I check out their videos on youtube etc... naaahhh, am not obsessed but I am totally gaga over these women ! I very rarely wish this but here i am - I wish I could date Shakira ! I think she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in my life :-)

There you go.... I have lifted a huge weight off my shoulders with this confession. Of course this does not mean that I find my ex-gfs any less beautiful,,,,, they are probably the most beautiful and loving women I have ever met :-) cheers !

The Valentine Day Metaphor

2011-02-13T22:18:00.002+05:30

A high left elbow, a loose bottom hand grip, the head straight and still - that's another way in which to look at love as per me :-)
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY FOLKS ! May love fill your each day with its amazing magic :-)
also
happy cricketing bonanza that awaits us in the world cup.
Have tried to use cricketing lingo to describe love in our time.

God bless and have a beautiful v day for all who have a valentine.

Shoots spring through ! :-)

2011-02-11T10:55:00.002+05:30

saw this line in a forward and just cant seem to get it out of my head :

If you judge people, you have no time to love them !

I have been trying to follow this philosophy for some time now but failing. But I am trying hard to follow this in my personal life atleast. Love for me is defined by Hafiz's poem which I have spoken about earlier -

Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth - "you owe me!"
Look what happens with a love like that....
IT LIGHTS UP THE WHOLE SKY

Also never to break 4 things in my life - Trust, Relation, Promise and Heart. Because when they break, they don't make noise but pains a lot ! I don't know if I am even half way close to this goal ! But yeah keeping on thinking about these will surely help in following the same.

he he ! turned out to be quite a strange post ! Blaaa !

'Pricks' from a Porcupine Tree

2011-02-02T17:42:00.001+05:30

As the cheerless towns pass my window
I can see a washed out moon through the fog
And then a voice inside my head breaks the analogue
And says

"Follow me down to the valley below
You know
Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul"

I survived against the will of my twisted folk
But in the deafness of my world the silence broke
And said

"Follow me down to the valley below
You know Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul"

"My David don't you worry
This cold world is not for you
So rest your head upon me
I have strength to carry you"

"Follow me down to the valley below
You know
Moonlight is bleeding from out of your soul
Come to us Lazarus
It's time for you to go"

A Call to myself !!

2010-12-26T23:52:00.002+05:30

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here

- Roger Waters and David Gilmour ( Pink Floyd )

This is a shout out, a call to myself. As usual Pink Floyd is responsible !
And now that I have put it up , I wish you were here.... my question mark ??

Implosion everyday

2010-09-19T14:12:00.001+05:30

For all the positivism surrounding the festivals of India, there is some unfathomable negative hysteria too when it comes to certain festivals among them. Primary in that is Ganesh Chaturthi. Suketu Mehta in his epic Maximum City describes the maddening crowds that line up the Mumbai streets when the Ganesha idol immersion processions are held. He describes the communal tensions that seep through and over these processions when they pass through sensitive areas of the city. There is a deep underlying unrest that is brewing inside these so called ‘celebrations’.

Ganesh Chaturthi festival is celebrated across the country with various pandals erected with Ganesha idols. Each locality will form groups and will have a pandal in that locality. People flock to these pandals to catch a glimpse of the idols and pray to the Elephant God. But I have found this to be a very nauseous affair from childhood. Always wonder how the clay idol, erected in the nearest plot of the locality with Bollywood music blaring through the speakers, can be seen as a place where God is supposed to reside. The idea of divinity just does not fit in there. Most of these pandals play Hindi film music except during the Aarti. That in itself is a spoiler for me. Is this an occasion to play DJ to the locality? Devotional music is not the criteria for divinity, but then its far better an option than blaring “Munni” songs !!! The ambience is an integral part of the concentration that is built up while we pray.

The processions are marked by drunk men dancing an ugly dance around the idol. What is worse is the equally joyful participation of young boys whose age ranges from 5-14 years. These boys also emulate their elders who are doing the ugly gyrations and in turn make ugly frowns and display even more uglier expressions akin to some item girl number. The music is of bad quality, loud and utterly disturbing. It disturbs each and every area’s peace while it snakes it way to the designated immersion lake. Not even a thought is spared by those Hindu fanatics, for the patients lying in the hospitals lining the streets. Even yesterday I found a huge procession standing in front of the Hosmat Hospital gate and playing loud noisy songs. Is it an act of God? This? Shameful !

The Hindu-brotherhood calls that are on show during the fund-raising for the festival pandal, is very similar to the politicians who come asking for votes during elections. The very humble neighbor suddenly espouses the Hindu propaganda, the ‘we-have-to-preserve-indian-culture’ jingoism and various others pseudo causes. It amazes me how people suddenly change into a different personality and lose all logic and sense of civility while taking part in this group activity. It being a group phenomenon is the only reason that the devil inside of each men, justifies each act of violence and incivility.

The motives can be various, behind this phenomenon of erecting pandals during the festival. Some say it’s a way of generating easy money for the organizers. Some say it’s a way of bringing together the community or the locality. Some say it’s a way of breaking the monotony of our daily grind and involving in some charity activity. All can be true. But please do not expect me to believe that this is a spiritual activity. To me it is not. There is no devotion in this.

Devotion is in the eyes of the lady who goes to the market and searches for her Ganesha idol, brings it home with care, places it in her house’s puja room and lovingly decorates the idol with flowers, vermillion and other things used in hindu ceremonies. Devotion is in the hearts of the householders who, for those few days, wake up early and finish their morning ablutions, gather in the puja room with the family members to offer prayers and offerings to the lord. Devotion is in the laughter and goodwill that pervades through the house those few days. Devotion is in the simple yet tasty food that is prepared for the lord and the family and the neighbors. Devotion is in the visitors who come to pray to the idol and indulge in community chatter extolling the virtues of the festival. Devotion is in the slow care with which the idol is removed from the house and taken in the house-vehicle to the nearest lake for immersion.

Devotion is in the quiet that returns to the house soon after the immersion ceremony when the members of the family sit and reflect on the divinity that surrounded their humble abode for those few days and Devotion is in the moist eyes of the lady when she looks at the Puja room and misses her cute little elephant god !

A Rant

2010-09-08T22:30:00.002+05:30

“Now, that is a smart move by Harper Collins”, I remarked. It definitely did catch my attention, the fact that the publishers/PR agency of the author had distributed the extract along with the newspapers.

A booklet slid out from one of the pages of the Newspaper the other morning and picking it up I thought it was a book about some locality in Calcutta. Saraswati Park it said. Mind went back to Anandnagar from the City of Joy, Dominique Lapierre 1985 epic novel about Calcutta and its economically backward section of the society. Anyways, turned out it was a booklet that had an extract from the new novel by Anjali Joseph called Saraswati Park and no, this was not about Calcutta but it was about Mumbai. A book with that kind of a boring, ‘down-market’, ‘un-intellectual and cryptic’ title – would have definitely escaped the attention of any random book buyer at the Crosswords and Landmarks of our country. But with this act of distributing the extract along with the newspapers, it was made as a book that would have a recall whenever one of the subscribers walked in to a book shop. Even better, some would have liked the extract and would have ended up buying the book.

That brings me to the woeful feeling I get whenever I have to step into a Crossword or a Landmark on a Saturday or a Sunday. The crowds in these book shops are actually a joke if you ask me. A closer look at the buying behavior of these bums will tell you that they are not there to buy any book but just to browse through the store. Most of them enter just to convince themselves that they too are intelligent people who read. They invariably would go around the store, look at some books, read the cover, place the book back and then continue meting out the same treatement to a dozen books. Then they walk up to the magazine rack and pick up an ‘Outlook’ or a ‘Business Today’ and make their way out of the shop. What a waste ! These folks are just people who are in the mall to roam around and hang out. But they feel its their duty to pay a visit to the book shop and invariably the book shop on a Sunday is full of such floaters. That is one of the reasons that I do not like going to buy books on these days. I prefer weekdays. That way you will have some quiet time to browse through the selection of books and maybe even end up looking at a fresh stock of books since the shop would have refreshed their stock after the weekend bonanza sale.

I know this because I go to the mall to catch a movie and my friends then make their way into the book shop in the mall. As if they have some title to pick up from the shop. But in most cases they either end up with nothing in their hands or a magazine like I described above. This quite funnily works in a different way too, since when these people see a crowd inside the book shop, they too end up visiting the store as they too want to be among the intelligentsia and not the ‘roam-around-the-mall’ crowd, so frequent on Sundays and Saturday evenings. The people who I used to meet in the store on Sundays were so poor in the knowledge of the books and authors, that I used to feel a bit let down. What with once a guy describing Chetan Bhagat as a Pulitzer Prize winner ! (with all due respect to his style). All this has built a firm repulsion towards visiting or even being 100 mtr. near to a bookshop on a weekend.

It's maybe hypocritical !

Swallowed in the Sea

2010-07-30T00:02:00.005+05:30

The rain had ceased pouring. As the breeze went silent and the whiff of salty air brushed the underside of my eye-lashes, there fell a droplet on to my arm. I wondered for a while before I realized that it was just a teardrop that the wind took out of my eyes. I just could manage a wry smile, that, at least Mother Nature was considerate enough to wipe off my tears, if not my own mother. No, before you think that I was in some pain, let me tell you I was not in any sort of pain, hurt, sadness and sort of similar emotions that draw out the salty droplets out of our faces. My eyes welled up in helplessness and in unfathomable despair. Now despair is quite different from sadness or frustration.

The greens on the balcony were darker than the ones outside the balcony and somehow I thought maybe it’s quite true to what goes on inside us – there is more darker shade of everything when its inside of us, till the time we let it out. As soon as its let out there is the natural ‘white’ that makes your thought brighter, lighter and more cheerful. So it was natural that I thought I had to let out my thoughts, lest they take on a darker hue inside the depths of my heart. I need to bring it out and make them brighter. So here goes the story –

Had it not been a cliché, I wouldn’t have realized – but then it was indeed love at first sight. For a girl of my age, I was pretty much desensitized to the idea of even liking a boy. But then this boy was different from all the boys I had seen before and had come to abhor. I saw him perched up there on my grandmom’s left side of the hips, his head slightly tilted to his left and legs flaying in the air. He had black, round eyes and lovely black hair. His forehead had a sandalwood paste mark, a gold chain around his neck, wore a sleeveless top and white shorts. As soon as he saw me, he smiled and lifted his hand towards me and remarked, “Mol? Mol?” Oh yes, I fell in him love with him that very instant and ran towards him, grabbed him with my arms and planted an affectionate kiss on his cute cheek. A surge of affection engulfed me and I could not decipher what was the more stronger feeling wafting silently through my body – the motherly instincts or the sisterly craving. Yes, my brother, my cute little Achu had arrive that morning with my grandmother. She and my mom enjoyed my tryst with ‘siblingism' ;-)

I took him around the house and showed him the house. But I guess he was not interested much in that. All that he did was sit there and munch on to his shirt and look at me and grand mom and then again at me and then at my mom and then again grandmom. I could sense that he was looking at our grandmom for gaining a sense of security that she was there while he took a guided tour of the house. But what I couldn’t figure out was why he was looking at my mom in the same way!!! Well, not that she was his mother. Not that she stayed with him before or took care of him before.!!! He was her brother’s son and she was seeing him for the first time after they met when he was born. Grandmom had come down with Achu to spend a few days with us. This way we could have the mirth and laughter of a child in the house filled with adults.

His arrival changed things around for us. Before him, the usual silence of the house was broken only with the cacophony of the Idea Star Singer aspirants. Now we had a singer of a totally different caliber in our midst. Just that he was not going to ever sing paeans in praise of Bharathapuzha or lip Kaithapuram’s soulful lyrics just like our Vidyashankar or Sreenath of the music competition did. No, this guy was different. He could not floor any maiden with his smooth talk. But he could bring a smile to my face with the sweet, tender invocation every morning. Every morning he would see me sleeping in my room and come over to my bedside, put his cute little hand over my shoulder and coo, “Mol, wake, Mol wake !!!” ( Little One Wake up) How could a girl not go all weak in the knees when such a cute little bundle of joy was waking you up every morning with the sweetest rendering of the Malayalam word “Mol”. I admitted to my mom that I liked him calling me “Mol” better than she. She just laughed.

Slowly everything in my house started revolving around him. I and my dad shifted into one room for the night and Achu, grandma and mom slept together in my room. He was naughty and kept on doing some mischief or the other which at first was cute, but then slowly it started getting on to me. I mean he just wouldn’t listen to anyone even if you rolled your eyes and gave him the angry stare. If he wants to topple the plate on the table, he will do it no matter how many times you scold him. He will spit out the food, no matter how many times you plead, beg, cajole, and scold him to have just one morsel. But to my chagrin my mom finds all this very cute and keeps on pampering him. I like a responsible adult taking care of the child scold him whenever required and also at the same time shower my love on him. Then why can’t my mom and grandmom also do the same. Why do they have to turn a blind eye to all that he does?

I am the only daughter of my parents but I have never been selfish with sharing my possessions with anyone, be it my cousins or my friends. I have always wished I had a sibling and always wished I had someone to share my things with. I am that sort. But then why was I getting a bit unnerved with the attention that he was getting from everyone. His feet never touch the ground, can you believe it??? Always is perched upon my mother or grandmother or my dad. Now aren’t kids supposed to run around the house? Whatever happened to “Happy Feet” and stuff? I took good care of him and kept a close watch on him lest he get into some kind of trouble. The other day he ran away to the balcony and was standing near the ledge trying to look at the view below the 8th floor. I saw him going and followed and caught hold of him before he fell off from the gap between the railings in the balcony. Now where were the ever-loving mom and grand mom when he was getting into trouble? It was me who saved him. And yet it was not noticed by anyone. How I craved for some appreciation that day. I wanted mom to tell me that I was a good girl and that I took good care of my baby brother.

Being the only daughter maybe I took many things for granted. The attention, the love, the appreciation on doing something well etc. Now when all of this was being diverted (as per me), to another person, I was getting jittery. No, I was not jealous. I was not becoming possessive of my parents’ attention or love. Far from that. I was just wanting my share as well. That’s all. Maybe my mom forgot that I too was there at home after my months of rotting in the college hostel. With my hair open, I wanted to sit near my mother’s feet and rest my head on her knees. Her fingers running through my hair and touching my scalp, the warmth of her touch percolating through the pores of my scalp and entering the unknown recesses of my mind and smoothening the frayed nerves. I wanted to have my customary 5 pm tea with her , sit there with our cups and talk about just anything under the sun – my hostel life, my grades, her embroidery, her classes, her friends’, my dad, our house back home, our neighbours, the new Mamooty movie, the Star singers, the Manasaputris of Mallu soaps, so on and so forth. I miss those bonding sessions with my mother and those silent and yet satisfying dinners with my dad sitting next to me and eating silently. I love feeding Achu and he tugs at my bosom whenever I am feeding him and again a surge of motherly affection overcomes me. I can never thank him enough for making me feel like this each time he comes to me. I bite at him because he is so irresistible and so yummy and yet as soon as he wriggles out of my arms, I get this tinge of anger. Anger at having lost him for a moment and anger at him for going to my mom and dad for attention that he gets a bit too often to my liking.

I feel my space has been invaded and yet ironically I want to share my same space with him. how do I explain this feeling? I love him and yet fear that he is loved too much !! I want him and yet feel he is wanted too much. All visitors to my family fuss over him and give in to his whims and fancies. I find it too difficult to keep a frown away anymore and pour out my woes at night to my beloved and all he can offer is a laugh. That insensitive bugger thinks am jealous. When will guys understand that we girls get jealous only of other girls! Achu speaks to him on the phone and calls him “Maman”!!! Oh how sweet ! I wrap my arms around Achu and plant a wet kiss on his cheeks. He runs away in disgust banging the phone on the bed. So I get back to my guy and pour out my woes at being jilted even by that kid. Anyways he offers me some nice words which would have sounded corny any other day. Now that I was not getting anything of that sort from my mom, grandmom or dad, these cheesy dialogues from the guy were lapped up in delight. But then it still could not take away the feeling of despair at having to hang up the phone, ‘cuz Achu happened to wake up crying at midnight. Lights come on in the house and suddenly nobody notices that I am sitting on the couch in the living room at such a late hour.

Days pass by and so do nights. My holidays are soon going to end but I do not see an end to the situation at home. I somehow hate the prospect of going back to hostel and yet staying at home seems more irritating with all this paraphernalia. How I crave for that nook of silence, that unhurried pace of household chores, the careless abandon of ‘not being responsible’. I want Achu and his delightful presence and yet I want him to disappear at my own will. I want the sound of his laughter to waft through the house and yet want the silent air to come and kiss my cheeks with affection. What is going through my mind and heart, I can’t explain but all I can say is that it’s not jealousy but its uneasy. As I stand here in the balcony of my house I wonder if bringing this all out will make me feel brighter and lighter. The breeze brings with it the travails and tribulations of the turbulent seas of the Arabian and the same turbulence percolates from my insides to maybe form a confluence of such emotions. Maybe the sea is turbulent ‘cuz of all this. God only knows ! and God only knows and yet keeps silent ! But I know that Achu is the best thing to have happened to me for a long long time and it gladdens my heart at the same time that when I finally go back to my hostel and am taking my slow walk back after class, the one thing that I would mutter to myself is, “Achu ma, how I wish you were there to welcome me when I get back. Yes darling brother, I MISS YOU LOTS :-)

(I tried out this piece in first person with a female protagonist. Hope you find this story/article/piece interesting. love, Anup )

temptations strong...

2010-05-16T17:43:00.001+05:30

It just amazing how I have grown to love the rains… its lashing, pouring cats and dogs and lions and elephant – this evening in Bangalore….. oooohhhh lovely oh lovely… a hot cup of Yellow Label tea, Bean bag comfort, my balcony covered with glass windows, one broad pane open, a potted plant flaying its flimsy branches thankful for the water – I sit and watch this caressing wonder of the rains and the winds.

Elton John… listening to him after a long long time… he is a good company and is setting up the occasion I must tell you…. Wish I was not so alone in this huge house…. All guys gone out for the weekend and I am still here…. Maybe I am turning to my blog because of that… this is not an article, or an observational essay or something like that… this is just a declaration of my feelings at this moment, for want of company or someone to talk to…. Hmmmm….ok continuing my flow of thoughts…. Maybe I should grab a book or something… but the light is too weak and I don’t want to put on the tubelights inside the house… like the natural light to read….

Earlier on the thunder and lightning was so bad that I was almost scared. Went to the terrace and closed all the doors and windows of the private terrace. They were making a racket.. that’s when I got those huge drops on my body… didn’t feel that great… but suddenly the winds came on and the big drops seem to have broken up into millions of ‘shower-drops’. And suddenly I enjoyed being there on top of the building in my shorts only and having the full force of the rains on to my body… felt the adrenaline rush when I climbed up the tank and stood there watching the view, with thunder and lightening in the foreground…. Wwwwwwooooohooooo awesome….. got totally wet to my lungs and then climbed down gingerly….. wheeeeee….. now sitting in the bean bag after drying myself and with this hot cuppa, I feel wonderful..

Wonder how good it would have been, if… if ever…. ….. ……

Paaaaaahhhhh….. anyways if , the ifs and buts were pots and pans, all we would have had is lots of noise. Hmmmm…. We always say how good it is here and then say it would have been better if… arrre leave it brother… no point…. Just enjoy the tea and get back to your reading…. Or just sleep off on the bean bag….aaaaahhhh now that’s a thought… never among the ones to sleep much in the day, its tempting today just to close my eyes and lie here on the bean bag…. Maybe keep this laptop away, let the soft music flow, and close my eyes… aaahhh, closing of the eyes… that moment when the two eyelashes meet….. that amazing instant… oh…. Tempting… here I come oh sleep… take me too with you !!

Airplanes

2010-05-06T17:38:00.004+05:30

Mightily impressed with the lyrics of a new song called Airplanes....check it out, especiall the airplanes' analogy to shooting stars !! wow !! :-)

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Yeah, I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go back to a place much simpler than this
Cause after all the partying, the smashin' and crashin'
And all the glips and the glam and the fashion
And all the pandemonium and all the madness
There comes a time where you fade to the blackness
And when you starin' at that phone in your lap
And you hopin' but them people never call you back
But that's just how the story unfolds
You get another hand soon after you fold
And when your plans unravel in the sand
What would you wish for if you had one chance

So airplane, airplane sorry I'm late
I'm on my way so don't close that gate
If I don't make that, then I switch my flight
And I'll be right back at it by the end of the night

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Somebody take me back to the days
Before this was a job
Before I got payed
Before it ever matter what I had in my bank
Yeah, back when I was tryin' to get a tip at Subway
And back when I was rappin' for the hell of it
But now a days we rappin' in state relevant
I'm guessin' that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes, then
maybe oh maybe I'd go back to the days
Before the politics that we called a rap game
And back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
And back before I tried to cover up my slang
But this is for Decatur what's up Bobby Ray
So can I get a wish, to end the politics
And get back to the music that started this shit
So here I stand and then again I say
I'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

- Lyrics by Jeremy Dussolliet & Tim Sommers

Limca

2010-04-27T23:24:00.007+05:30

In love with the Limca Ads that run on TV. Wow ! Wow ! Wow !
Such a nice jingle, such creativity, such a soothing ad....
Just stands out in the clutter..

First it was Sushma Reddy splashing about on the roads with a lovely jingle,
then its this one with Hrishitaa Bhatt....they changed the lyrics and the jingle too slightly... and yet it works...
here s the new one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdcLg35QMs0

anyways the ladies are not the main thing.. its the ad itself.
I just love it love it love it !!!

Hope and some salt !!

2010-04-25T09:27:00.003+05:30

Soon, my heart will be prised out, but I still will have a connoisseur's appreciation for living !!:-) I hope ! Just.

under construction

2010-03-04T10:12:00.002+05:30

Am seething after reading the civial aviation minister Praful Patel's comments after the pilots death.... next post on it... as soon as i get time in office today.

praful patel's juvenile statement - pilots died projecting india's avaiation superpower status.... seriously??? yuck !!!

and why must the show go on.its abused statement... sometimes its nice to pause and not let the show go on...lets not get into rhetoric

.... wait... i will elaborate.... shortly....

X & Y

2010-02-23T11:28:00.002+05:30

Trying hard to speak,
And fighting with my weak hand,
Driven to distraction,
So part of the plan.

When something is broken
And you try to fix it,
Trying to repair it,
Anyway you can.

I dive in at the deep end,
You become my best friend,
I wanna love you but I don't know if I can

I know something is broken,
And I'm trying to fix it,
Trying to repair it,
Anyway I can.

- Coldplay :-)

Juhu

2010-01-26T07:44:00.007+05:30

Just a bit of imagination.... is all that one needs. To make their world beautiful. A world of color and toothy smiles... a world of exxagerated gestures and gentle kisses blown into the air....of characters who defy gravity and conventional judgements...
Oh it's all a bit silly. But then we hope it is so. Imagination begins with a bit of silliness, eh? ;-)

oh it's magical, i tell you honey.... it's the most wonderful world... it's light - soft, supple and yet so bright.... :-)

Oh I can't tell you more for that would just take away the surprises....if you would come with me, we could go there together... oh ya I think now I know the way.... but all I ask of you is some Belief. Yes my beloved, just believe. Just look into my eyes and believe !!! :-)

And we shall see a wonderful other side, together :-)

2010-01-23T23:41:00.001+05:30

Mightily, mightily impressed with One Republic's 'Secrets'. Strange kind of a song but then what powerful arrangement !!! Just sweeps me away in its juvenile power !!

Presentations !!

2010-01-13T19:25:00.002+05:30

hey, just realised why am smiling so much suddenly after some uninspired performance at work. I suddenly got an instruction from my boss, " Anup, can you help me with a presentation ?" That was like music to my ears !! I have a job where I have never made any major presentations or worked on any. Somehow in HCL there is no presentation culture. And being in the junior cadre I was never the one who made presentations. To add to that I never got to present apart from some internal trainings that I did for the other teams.

So here I am realizing that what I always wanted to do in corporate world, is this. Present my ideas, my way, and thats what excites me..... I have a way of doing presentations which I think is pretty good ( atleast my B-school thought so). So now I know what i have been missing from my work....

Now that I am at a good position in the company, I expect more such presentations, and more such exciting work ! BRING IT ON BROTHER !!

New year post

2010-01-05T10:45:00.002+05:30

Hey, I almost forgot that my last post was a 'not-so-nice' one. Can't have such a post adorning my blog so lets take inspiration from my Guru Mr. Deepak Gupta and post this beauty by Emily Dickenson. Deepak sir sent this to us yesterday as part of his Monday Morning mail to us.... So here it is, the first post of the new year dedicated to him and his joie de vivre

life

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

emily dickinson

falling with a 'thud'

2009-12-23T13:58:00.004+05:30

Sometimes optimism can be a bitch ! you think positive and think that things will work out... but naaah! it doesnt happen sometimes that way ! Life can be a bitch some times - Hell bent upon teaching bitter lessons. But hey, what to do if I refuse to learn from my mistakes... well instinctiveness can also be a bitch sometimes !! Nonsense can also be a bitch sometimes - making me feel as if I am the only one making a mistake in the process of trying to make things work out. As if the others are perfection and matuarity personified. And then sometime I myself am a bitch - i write posts like this !! Lol ! Everythings a bitch sometimes - Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

NEWS

2009-12-15T22:24:00.003+05:30

NEWS - is North East West South. I don't find any of that on TV. Whatever happened to good old information !!!! And the sight of Barkha Dutt makes me puke. Once upon a time she was my 'dream date' ! Lol ! The Headley 'investigation' sounded like some soap from primetime tv - what with all the sound effects and background razzmatazz ... whew! I just dont feel like watching news on tv.

Grrrr !!! :-{

2009-12-08T15:09:00.003+05:30

All my life I thought am a Sagittarius, but now am finding many astrology columns listing out my birth date under the capricorn section !! what the hell is this?
how can the dates change ....? I was born a sagittarius as till a few months ago sagittarius was till 22nd december. And today I find two columns in different publications saying sagittarius is till 20th december.... buggers knocked off two days and in the bargain made me into a completely different personality !!

buggers !!! :-(

Say it Possible & still not possible

2009-12-06T17:39:00.004+05:30

I can't believe I missed Terra Naomi's visit to Bangalore. God, I read about it and then made plans and then completely forgot about it. Screw you Anup !!!!!

Oh one more of my much awaited events has passed by without me making it there.
To those who do not know about her, just do a google search or go to youtube and listen to "Say it possible" . And if you like her music, then please come back and thank me ( i love some sense of self-importance ). Read about how she made her music famous ! Watch out for more of her in the years to come !! Thats my word for it !

Hey btw, did any of you check out Ronan Keating's version of Time after Time? Lovely he sings. Naomi also has done a video cover of the same song.... again her vocal abilites stand up. But Ronan you rock too man !! Check out his new album "Songs for my mother". :-)

Nice - The best biscuit in the world

2009-11-29T18:56:00.000+05:30

Did I tell you all that 'Nice Time' from Britannia is my favourite biscuit in the world? Now, how do you care for that piece of news? Well, you should if you know that I can even kill anyone, be mean, lose my cool and sulk like hell if I am deprived of this piece of heaven that Vinita Bali's company makes ! It used to be called 'Nice' till a couple of years ago before Britannia renamed it as Nice Time. So my mom knows this as Nice and buy this always whenever she shops for her tea-time snacks.

Wow, irresistable and mouth watering...no other food in this world ever tastes better in my mouth than this biscuit. Lovely ! Ummmm.... dream date would be a cup of tea and Nice Time bisucits :-) and oh ya a girl too if unavoidable ! ;-P but she wont get more than one biscuit.

I have to dedicate this post to the only food in the world that makes me ecstatic. Bravo ! Ever tried dal, rice, veggies, chicken fry and Britannia Nice time biscuits? Well, even I have not. but its lying there in front of me and i will try it out. I love you Nice :-)

I believe in Angels

2009-11-26T01:33:00.003+05:30

In continuation to the last post, I had this song on my lips whenever I was thinking about what I wrote in the last post. While on my way back from work, I started humming this song, which I had heard first on the 'Coast to Coast' album of Westlife in 1999. Its ABBA's 1979 song 'I Have a Dream'. Love the sitar riff and the lyrics.
In my downcast mood as described in the last post, I kept on humming this song and surprisingly felt better. Still do. I believe in each word of the song. Strange how some songs you never forget and come back to you at key moments of your life.

I have a dream,
a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder,
of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels,
Something good in everything I see,
I believe in angels,
When I know the time is right for me,
I'll cross the stream,
I have a dream

I have a dream,
a fantasy,
To help me through reality,
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness
still another mile
I believe in angels,
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels,
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream,
a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder,
of a fairy tale
You can take the future,
even if you fail
I believe in angels,
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels.
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream

:-)

2009-11-26T00:24:00.004+05:30

Biggest success of my professional career was today. And somehow it feels so so so not worth it when I realise that I don't really have anyone to share this with other than my mother. Called her up immediately and obviously she was happy. But sometimes its just not enough. You want that someone to be there with whom you can gush about it, describe it, tell about the ups & downs while working towards your mission, etc etc. Felt like calling up a potential 'good friend' but then refrained knowing that that person is least intersted. Felt like calling up my best friend, but then he would be busy and we don't normally gush and swoon over things like this. We are too 'chilled out' for that kind of a talk.

It would have been nice if I could come back home, take a shower and go out for a quiet drink with someone, take a walk, sit on a bench in some park, watch the clouds and the moon and just feel immensely satisfied at a job well done after one year of effort. Instead what did I do? - sit up till late in office, eat some &*$%#@& meals, come home and sleep. Then I took too much of pity on myself and texted someone in the hope that I could get an ear. But nopes, all are either too busy or do not really care about me. So again I took too much of pity on myself and started this rant over my blog. Lovely na ! Anyways only time it hurts is when I think of the innumerable times that I have lent an ear to their rants, their joys and sorrows, sometimes at the cost of my own work and convenience. This someone has called me and got all hour long lessons on various things in the middle of the night or middle of my work and I have never refused - realising that how much its important for me to listen and be there. Well, am also human and I also sometimes make the mistake of expecting something or the other from people around me. Like how I expected my big bosses to react when I showed them the big deal that I cracked. Expected them to praise me ( ya, no shame in accepting that I long for praise). But they just nooded their heads and got on with their work. Does it hurt? No, but it's dissappointing. But it hurts when someone for whom you have always been there, does not react the way you want them to. No, in fact even if they dont react the way you want them to, its still ok. But its when you make it so conspicious to them that you need someone to talk to, and yet they ignore you, thats when it hurts.

Thank god for mothers. If she had not called me up in the evening and spoken about it, I would have felt very bad. She at least knows that all I need is two minutes of human voice or human touch to boost my spirits. Hmmmm... so thats it... frustruating realising that probably this is why people get married. They will have someone to come back to, some bosom to rest their heads on in joy or in sorrow, some soothing words or touches to make you feel cared for. Beiing together matters. A lot. Distance doesnt make the hearts grow fonder. It just erodes the important role that eyes play.

Chalo its getting to be a long post without any intent. So I will stop now.
Celebrate all you lucky ones....but don't derive sadistic pleasure. God doesn't like sadists :-) Lol !

Both begin with a C

2009-11-23T23:09:00.003+05:30

What is Chauvinism? Most of us fear being called a chauvinist? When we are wooing the girl, the last thing that we want our girfriends to feel is that we are chauvinists and then later when they are in a relationship with us, we change our outlook to observe,"chuvinist, no no, you are exxagerating 'coz you are a feminist".
The girl then says, "No, am not a feminist". But then the guy becomes a chauvinist and the girl a feminist. Unfortunately, both terms are not appropriate.
I dont know much, but most women look for men who can shed their chauvinistic tendencies when they are with them. The other day Shobhana Madam was saying that "Deepak (her husband) is the only man who is not a chauvinist" Aaaahh, that hurt me. Why, even am not a chauvinist. But then I was asking the wrong person. I am not the right person to answer that. So for this survey, we need a sample (statistically speaking) So, I should ask all the women in my life. But then again mom never sees any wrong in her son, sister never thinks of her loving brother as anything but the sweetest human being, ex-gfs will have a dagger in their hand and hence again are a bad sample for this market research, friends will never comment anything lest they annoy or unnecessarily praise their unpredictable friend.
So there you go, nobody else left ! anyways leave that

Now what is chivalry? Is that not a trait that we love to be praised on? Now, opening the door - is that chivalry? Being there for your girl, no matter what the situation/problem - is that chivalry? wiping your mother's tears while ignoring your gf's - is that chivalry?
Now, our quest for chivalry never ends. But my questions also never end. When will I qualify to be called chivalrous?

and when will this stupid post end... now. Its ends now !

GOD's brother

2009-11-14T15:59:00.002+05:30

What a brother Ajit Tendulkar must be ... a gem !!! how touching is the fact that he used to hide behind the trees of Shivaji Park and watch while Sachin practiced with Achrekar sir. Then he would point out the mistakes and analyse Sachin's game with him. Wow, Ajit didn't think of anything other than his brother.... and Sachin was not even Ajit's mother's son !!!
What kind of blind faith he would have had in his brother's abilities and his own abilities to do something for this prodigy ! The atmosphere around Sachin was such electric and conducive for greatness !!! No wonder India and people like us are indebted to such a wonderful set of people who shaped Sachin's career.

GOD II

2009-11-14T15:29:00.003+05:30

Wow, every pulication, every site, every anything and every nothing is filled with just one name - Sachin Tendulkar. Been reading and reading since morning and it just doesn't end. What a delight for people like us.

I don't think I have told this before - there are two events for which I shall leave every other work - even if its my wedding (if ever I become a fool), my sales presentation, or anything related to me - and those events are:

1) Sachin Tendulkar's last test match in India ( if he announces in advance )
2) Coldplay's concert in India :-)

Had this chance to watch him twice, live in motion:
1) At the opening ceremony of IPL 1. He was taking oath as captain of Mumbai Indians.
2) At the test match versus Australia in Bangalore. He came near where I was sitting before the match began for his practice session. I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes. Can't ever forget that moment. He scored only 16 in that match, i think. (who remembers numbers, anyways)

whew !! Just cant get enough of him yaar.... Hyderabad was such a tragedy. But anyways cheers to Sachin Tendulkar ( already two posts on him - i must be going bonkers !! ) Dont't be happy readers, more will follow, sooner than later. Mmmuuuuaaahhh !!! :-)

GOD

2009-11-14T07:34:00.002+05:30

Sachin Tendulkar

Every morning I am shedding tears. Why? Times of India is carrying two pages... TWO WHOLE PAGES.... of articles about Sachin. And today was the best. It was an interview with Anjali Tendulkar (his wife). Touching !!! I have this queer habit of crying at just the thought of Sachin Tendulkar. That has been the impact of this man on my life. Right from that fateful day in Baroda in 1988-89 when he came to play a 'double wicket' tournament ( he was not yet in the Indian team ). I like a kid sat near the 'pooja room' and prayed to God while listening to the commentary on the radio.... right from that day, HE has been an immutable part of my life.

Anyways, right now am too excited to write a proper post... just read the interview and wanted to pay homage to HIS family for the sacrifices they have made for Sachin. Imagine a selfless guy like HIM, having only one selfish desire. To play for the country and contribute. For this, HIS brother, mother, wife and kids have had to do a lot of things that HE has to be indebted to them for. I hope god blesses him to take care of his family and his post-retirement life in the same impeccable and honourable manner.

Enough, got to get ready for my office... can't sit like a this and keep sobbing and writing about the legend. Lol ! What a girl I am becoming !!! :-) ( women's lib, did i hear anyone say?)

The Diwali Party - 11th Oct 2009, Ettimadai Village

2009-11-07T11:04:00.001+05:30

A teacher before she/he goes into the class knows how to behave with the students. A kindergarten teacher will talk in slow and lyrical manner so as to connect to her twinkle-eyed, innocent audience. A primary teacher will know that she has to speak in a manner that is genuine but at times childish. A secondary teacher will know that her students probably know certain things that she does not and will speak with certain amount of tact and gravity. All this comes out of the way in which the students react as per their age. Now put all of these different kinds of students into one single room or under the same tree and what you elicit out of the teacher is a range of emotions sliding over the EQ scale from 1 to 10 at rapid pace.

Each one of the volunteers of the ‘Outreach’ program has to display exemplary range of emotions and skill to tackle, tame, cajole, coax and pacify the kids of the Ettimadai village. There are kids who are 2 years old to those who are 17 years old in the motley crowd that gathers under the village tree each Saturday/Sunday for interacting with the students of Amrita. Every weekend its about a few lessons, a few poems, a few giggles, a few nudges and pokes, a few mischiefs, a few fights and so on. But Diwali is the time when it is all of these without THE BOOKS. Diwali celebration for Outreach is like the one big occasion when all the kids get to spend a full day singing, dancing, playing, shouting and basically having fun with the students and ex-students of Amrita.

The Diwali Party as we all call it is after all dedicated to the child in all of us. We all rise up to the levels of these children and try and enjoy each and every moment of the day with them. They are the protagonists of the elaborate script that is carefully crafted each year by Shobana madam and her loyal bunch of students/friends. The stage was set this time around with lots of gift being bought for the kids to be given as prizes for various events. Most of the Amritians came in with something or the other for the kids, like Pencil boxes, soaps, story books, pencils & stationary, etc . The faculty quarters of DG & Shobana madam turned out to be a common meeting point where all these tired souls gathered at the end of a hard day’s shopping in the hot streets of Coimbatore. The coffee at the dgshobs’ residence did wonders in energizing many a tired limbs. The uncertain excitement of the next day was keeping everyone on the tenterhooks anyways.

Some kids gleefully accepted a free ride in Bala sir’s car on their way to Amrita Vidyalayam – the venue. The presence of Vidyashankar meant that we need not have to worry about keeping the children entertained. I do not know if the kids understand what devotion/spirituality/religion is, but what I do know is that the kids observe the lighting of the lamp, the prayer, the somber poses of the adults around and consciously contract their movements themselves. It’s always a fascinating experience watching the children place their hands over their folded legs and prop up their heads, watching with open mouths, the performance of a singer who can hits the right notes with the young audience. As long as Vidhya holds stage, it’s a relaxing time for all of the rest. But as soon as the volunteers know that he is about to finish, a sense of panic overcomes and all of them start fidgeting to find out what next to keep the little ones occupied. If there is a slightest lapse in the entertainment, suddenly you will find dozens of children wanting to answer nature’s call at the same time or dipping their hands into the water-jug. It’s a crisis we all could do well without and that’s when there’s a Tarzanesque shout from the back of the audience and you find the lean frame of Udhyakumar making way towards the midst of the children, shouting out instructions to keep the children in their seats and telling them of what to do and what not to do. The ever-jovial Venkatesh then goes to the stage and in his inimitable style of speaking Tamil, soon takes over as the MC of the occasion and although I don’t understand much of Tamil, I still know that he connects to the audience. And boy, he and Vidhya then start eliciting responses from the kids.

Soon there is a conversation happening between the whole bunch and the volunteers, and this inspires others on the fringes to also shed their inhibitions as was evident when Banerjee sir, brought himself to the front and rendered a Bengali children’s song, replete with funny words and actions. The presence of Satwa, the group of young men from Chennai who had come down to the village with an alumni of ASB, Sandeep, made a lot of difference to this year’s Diwali party. They soon took over the proceedings and divided the children as per their various age groups and organized small games for them. Soon you had the huge hall filled with laughter and mirth with small groups of children spread across the hall playing various games. Some of the games were super fun to watch, like the one where a balloon is tied to the legs of the kids and whoever manages to keep her/his balloon from being burst by the rest is the winner. We all had a riot watching them go after each other with infectious energy.

Each of us has our own favourites among the kids. Some kids remember you and come over to you and ask you “How are you Anna? Why are not coming these day? You in Bombay?”. One of the girls came up to me and asked, “Anna, you remember me?”. I did remember her from last year, but I had forgotten her name. “I do”, I said, “Savitri, right?” “Nooooo Annnaaaa,” she said with her hand on her head, “it’s Savitha, not Saaaavitra”. I could not help but burst out laughing. This got her and her friends laughing and making fun of how forgetful I was. These kids make fun of us in such innocent ways. Then there are kids whom you think of as reticent and serious types. They will not look at you or return your gaze. They will not smile at you or connect to you in any sense. You start thinking of them as not so friendly types. But then suddenly they see some other volunteer and jump out of their seats and the next thing you know, they are climbing on top of that person, laughing and shouting and blabbering with the volunteer. Amazing! you stand there dumbstruck.

All around we could see hugs and kisses, especially the girls in the volunteer crowd were so motherly in their affection that they were showering their love on the little boys and girls. We guys, the usual reticent lot in such emotions, kept ourselves to doing the hard labour part of going to the ground, clearing the field, drawing the lines for sports and arranging the vessels etc. Each of us has a way of behaving when with kids. I remember the last year when there was no electricity for the whole day at the Diwali party and all the kids were sweating it out and poor Vidhyashankar had to sing almost 50 songs just to keep the entertainment going. There was this 2 year old child who found her way into my lap and then spent the whole afternoon there. When you feel a child’s heart beat next to your own and when her tiny fingers hold on to the back of your neck like her life depended on that ‘hold’, even if you feel tired, hungry, thirsty and claustrophobic, you still do not want to move a muscle for the fear of waking up the little one catching up on some well-deserved sleep after the daylong exertions. This time around there was less of physical exertion than last year and also the overheads fans helped. I was searching for the same child in the crowd, hoping that she might want to come over and sleep on me again. But alas, she has grown big. So she and her friends didn’t need to rest themselves on our laps or shoulders.

The lunch was efficiently taken care of under the expert guidance of Jhansi madam. These kids are such fast eaters, my god! By the time you just stretch you back after finishing one round of serving, they are already clamoring for more biryani or more sambar or more rice. They attack the food with such infectious enthusiasm that you feel more hungry seeing them enjoy the food, while you got to wait for all of them to finish.  The delightful part is when these kids come and talk to you when you are eating, “Anna why are you eating so less?”, “Akka why are not eating that piece of tomato?”, “Anna why are you eating so many papads?”, “Akka why are you not folding your legs properly?”. It’s hard not to notice how much these kids have absorbed from their interactions with the outreach crowd. They are more conscious of what is cleanliness, hygiene, health etc. I remember three years back, they used to be shabbily dressed and not very aware of hygiene. But now we all can see a great deal of improvement in the way they conduct and carry themselves. This is what motivates the outreach crowd to put more efforts into the cause with great deal of enthusiasm.

The fun and the games continued inside for the little kids, and the sports were for the bigger boys and girls. There was the usual figure of Anand and Inba, conducting the outdoor sports with efficient charm. Not surprisingly the girls showed more enthusiasm and competitive spirit in even this, putting some of the boys to shame, I must admit.

At last the most awaited part of the day, the prize distribution ceremony began. It took a huge amount of effort on the part of all the volunteers to sort out the goodies and make sure that the kids got everything. The prizes were distributed by Sandeep first up and he did it with panache, shaking hands and whispering a word of encouragement to each one who came up. Shobana madam, Jhansi madam, Venkatesh, Udhay were constantly controlling the crowd with amazing skill. Soon each and every child was holding on to a bag full of goodies and the icing on the cake was the fire-crackers that Shakti always brings to the party. The village would have reverberated that night with the sound and the light of the crackers that were distributed to the children.

Diwali party is also a chance to come back to college, catch up with your batch mates, juniors and seniors as well. This time around there was Sandeep from 2005 batch, Anirudh from 2006, Vidhya, Shiva, Saurabh and myself from 2007 batch, Shakti, Venky, Navneet, Amardeep, Mihir, Davison from 2008 batch, Udhay and his friends from 2009 batch and Jitu & his friends from the current batch. Apart from this the usual pioneers like Inba, Anand, Sreeja, Radhika and the rest of the gang from various departments of Amrita were there too. It’s always one big party with all us together. Not to mention the final ‘chai’ session in the canteen for the whole gang. I and DG always look forward to this more than anything else.

When things are wrapped up, what one is left with is the feeling of ‘niceness’. Everyone feels nice after the day is over. When the kids’ faces light up with joy, when they climb on top of you, when one allows them to compete and show their skill, when one gives them an occasion to discover facets of their personality unknown to them, when one takes them out of their usual routine and see a different world – that’s when you find yourself feeling something different and nice. A feeling that I am yet to put a name to. Ask any of the volunteers what makes them come back again and again to celebrate Diwali with the kids and they might not be able to tell you exactly – why. Some things are better left unsaid and unexplored. And maybe this is one of them.

Watch 'em

2009-10-25T14:22:00.003+05:30

The Day after Diwali, our mail stood at our door in the morning and started crying. She said that her boy had lost his arm while bursting firecrackers the previous day. He had lost his arm and there was nothing that the Doctors could do about it. I was shocked on seeing her at my door instead of being in the hospital and then some sense prevailed and we managed to give her some money and then she left.

Thereafter I and saurabh were just discussing on how a freak accident cost the boy his arm and a fair shot at life. He blamed the parents for having not taken care of the boy. But I didn't agree with him. These kids are brought up in a different environment from people like us. We all had privileged upbringing with parents spending enough time with us, and taking care of us. But that is not the case with these families. There is constant pressure on them. The mother is either working in some house as a maid full day or comes back home to cook more food and complete the household chores. She rarely gets any time when she is not busy. Same is the case with the men. Most of them are working most of the times and are outside the house.

In such an environment, its really difficult to keep a constant tab on your children. They usually roam about the streets, loiter around with friends and in general waste their time. the parents do not have the education to know that their kids needs to be taught something more than what they might be learning in the government school. They would be too hard pressed making two ends meet, to pay attention to supposedly ‘minor’ details like ‘child upbringing’. So how would they be able to take care of the boy when he is bursting some fire cracker in some corner of the street?
At the same time, how a child turns out to be in her/his behavior pattern, has a lot to do with what the child experiences every day at home. That’s true, I agree. Children copy and model their behavior on how the adults surrounding them behave. But still, I somehow find it hard to blame the parents for their kids going wrong.

What would I have done if I were faced with poverty, meager income, work pressures and bickering family members? I would also busy myself doing things to keep my family alive, rather than see what my kid is watching or doing in the streets. No, it just doesn’t sink in… I cannot blame the maid and call her as careless. She had more things to worry about at that point of time. She didn’t know that her kid would end up like this while playing… …. Am still confused…

Creed - Full Circle

2009-10-07T00:07:00.002+05:30

I am just waiting for Creed's reunion and their first release called "Full Circle"

I love their work especially 'With arms wide open' and 'One last breath'. Such acts must continue with their good work... and so am excited... wow.... with arms wide open !!!

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

Woke up !

2009-10-03T09:36:00.002+05:30

Woke up to Friday morning with the first show of Wake UP Sid in Bangalore. Good movie and even better are the songs. Am Buying the CD although the songs are already downloaded (pirated). Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy are true to their style of not having any style. They can make just about any music, any sound they feel that goes with the movie's soul. Lovely... listening to it as am typing this.

Go catch the movie if you want a nice feel good movie. My friday was made after this movie... especially the songs... well placed and well paced...."Life is crazy" !!

When love took a train heading south !!!

2009-10-02T11:08:00.005+05:30

So near that she could smell him, maybe even touch him. But all that she longed for was maybe a kind look or a small word. But he wouldn’t. Not his fault, she knew but how could she not feel let down.

A bright pink saree covering every inch of her slim body. Even her hair parting was adorned with the bright pink dash of ‘sindoor’ that Indian women apply on their foreheads. A typical woman from the hindi heartlands of central/northern India. She walked up the footpath and came up to him. Her gait gingery but confident, brought her to him, so close and yet he didn’t twitch. A man can never keep himself from feeling the presence of a woman near him. She is destined to make him acutely aware of her presence, so much that even the most docile of women can assume an imposing presence. This moment lasts for only a few seconds, before everything’s back to normal. But here, he did not even twitch. She was so close to him and by no means was she unattractive. A chiseled face, spotlessly clean skin, tall and poised she stood there in the narrow gap of the footpath, almost smelling the back of his neck with the pallu of her saree pulled across half of her face. And no sign of acknowledgement from him. He continued pulling out the puris, scooping the masala, filling each puri with the masala and dipping the puris in the tamarind water – serving the best pani-puris of Bangalore.

A man in pursuit of excellence in the humble task of making pani-puris for a living – a repetitive, highly energy sapping exercise that calls for high levels of concentration especially when you have multiple customers and counts to keep on the puris that you have served out. The customers can be quite irritating and irrational – some want it sweet, some spicy, some salty, some dry, some slow, some fast, some with onions, some without, - all at the same time. He took pains not only to make it the tastiest chat in the city, but also to set an example in customer service by being polite and humble with his customers. Every new customer was immediately acknowledged and given a sample to taste, mindlful of the fact that each character in his customer list has a different taste, a unique craving. He was respectful to elders & women ( who come in plenty ), polite & loving to children. Everyone went off feeling like a king or a queen from his stall, except she.

There was something in her hand, a vessel. She stood there for whole of 5 minutes with that vessel, waiting for him. She stands there and catches my eye. She turns away and looks at the road. Then she looks back at him and sees his busy back turned towards her and lets out a sigh – the sigh accentuated by the heaviness of the pink colour. Her body does not move but her eyes are a riot of emotions ranging from longing, impatience, love, desire, loneliness, irritation and humiliation. She is desperately waiting for him to acknowledge her presence, have a kind word, maybe even a slight touch of his hand while handing over the vessel. Was that asking for too much? He meanwhile, I feel knows that she is there but is reluctant to let go of his emotions. Only a highly emotional man can hold back his emotions. And I could feel him holding back. He was not looking up, constantly shifting his gaze from the puri to the masala, to the water and to the customer’s plate. He looked into the eyes of the customer, but would not even glance at her while she stood there waiting for that one ‘moment’.

At last he finishes up with me and suddenly there is a slight turn of his body and he whips his hands and pulls out the vessel from her hands, keeps it in his stall and continues preparing for another customer who has by that time barked out his demands. She stands there stunned at losing her only chance of maybe a look or a touch. She looks at me, maybe aware that I am drilling through her mind to know how she feels and suddenly her look hardens. She hides her emotional upheaval and suddenly her face assumes a shield like demeanor that is supposed to tell the world that nothing was amiss there. But little did she know that I had been witness to a critical moment of her life that gave me an insight into a space highly personal.

She stood there for some more seconds, hoping to atleast hear him bark out some orders to her…. In this insufficient state, even a harsh command would have sufficed to calm her jittery nerves that were acting up in a way only a newly wed’s can … maybe due to unfulfilled desires? I am not quite sure. But she made her way slowly back from where he was and started walking away, this time less confident and but more determined. Her determination to hold herself, took her to a distance of about 8 feet, before she stopped again. I was intently watching at this hindi-movie like situation. She turned back with the saree pallu in between her gleaming white teeth. Her kohl-lined eyes turning into one direction for the last time before she made her way out. And again she was met with the same lean, busy back of her husband. Her glance fell on me again and I stood frozen there, fearing if I had unwittingly intruded into her space but this time she did not try to hide her pain. Her face and eyes, her high cheek bone, her lips – all a clear reflection of her anguish at being not recognized as a presence in her husband’s life. She slowly turned and I realized that I was looking at her, shaking my head, with a sad smile , maybe giving her a comfort that “its allright bhabhiji, he is just busy in his work”!

It’s an everyday event in the lives of all the migrant workers across the country. They come to cities, sometimes with their families and live in inhuman conditions where there is little time for two people to spend time with each other to even start any love. The walls of the city close in too soon, the air suffocates them too soon, the ceiling comes down too soon, the friends and family are back too soon, the work starts too soon and nevers seems to end that soon, the child is born too soon and the money starts running out too soon, the body starts ageing too soon and the life seems to pass away too soon…. Everything happens just a bit ‘too soon’

Blissfully Mad !!!

2009-09-18T09:46:00.001+05:30

Woooowwwww !!!!! :-)

Hold my own

2009-09-09T23:11:00.002+05:30

Sometimes I feel that it is due to the respect that I have for people older than me, that keeps me from countering their points, statements and arguments. And this acts as a detrimental factor in me losing my credibility. I have this innate habit of showing respect to people.... I keep thinking of them as elders and hence I should not speak offensively or even aggressivel or even assertively to them. This is dis-respect to them, I feel. And sometimes they roll over me and fry me and I stand there - a meek spectator. This frustruating aspect of my irritating personality has permeated into my ability to deal with peers or even younger people now. I have lost my ability to hold my own... even with myself.

Gaal pe teepna, bewajah tab

2009-08-20T21:48:00.005+05:30

I don't need to wax eloquent about the wonderfully crafted soundtracks of the movie 'Kaminey'. Just notice the lyrics... wow !! The way Sunidhi Chauhan and Rekha Bharadwaj's voices keeping popping in without even a hint of difference.... never knew it was not one singer. And the great panache with which Vishal Bharadwaj has sung the title track. Gulzar knows that Vishal Bharadwaj will treat each word with the importance that it deserves in the smaller scheme of things. Yaaa.... words have a macro as well as micro meaning. A good poet will try and reveal these two meanings to the listener.

But overall this collection is worth a standing ovation for Gulzar and Vishal's ability to bring forth newer dimensions of mainstream music. I couldn't have missed one of my favourite singers Suresh Wadkar, leaving his touch on this colletion. Suresh has been underutilized by the industry and Vishal knows what magic singers like him, sukhvinder singh and kailesh kher bring to the soul of the song.

Love this collection.... loved 'Machis' for shaping my appreciation for poetic music and love 'Kaminey' for revealing a genre of music that is surprisingly mainstream. Ya, how did this soundtrack manage to be mainstream... is still a huge surprise for me. Lol !!

Matchbox Rains

2009-08-17T20:03:00.004+05:30

At 2 am, there is precious little anyone can do apart from the obvious. Some lucky ones keep it going till that long...boy I envy them. But then in the event of such pleasures escaping my life totally, there is only one thing I am supposed to do that late in the night. But then I was not.

I was twelve when I realised that the only thing good about the rains is that you can sit on the window sil of our old house and watch the rain with a cup of tea and some hot 'pakodas'. Rains have always been bad for me because it falls when I have to go out to play. "Rain Rain Go away, Little Johnny wants to play" I would wail ! My nursery teacher never meant her students to sing it that way. Anyway.

So, the red of the night shone sombre and I fought off my fear to look through. I found a spec of the light particle shining, not through, but up and over. The sky's stretch marks were quite unlike humans'.... duh ! The light spread and it seemed the drops were going to form a swing.... a swing on which swayed the little child clouds... laughing and frolicking around the mother clouds.

I rubbed my eyes again in disbelief. How can this be beautiful and so soothing? How can watching the pitter-patter of the rains from inside the confines of the house be so enthralling and that too at night. Isn't night supposed to be dark? Has God missed a trick here or has she/he slept off in the night, just as our watchman Mr. Gorkha. The matchbox like appartments in the city forbid any thoughts that you might harbour of an expansive view of anything for that matter. One balcony opens smack into the bedroom window of the opposite building. Now dimwits like me are so scared of being a vouyers, that we refrain from even looking outside our balconies, lest I accidently catch a couple opposite my building in that act. Oh ya, I still am living in my teen fantasy of every boy, that the only thing that a couple does when they go inside a bedroom is..well, ummm...eeerrr.. you know ( see, i can't even type the damn word )

But at this time of the night or rather morning, I am unafraid. I look out and fall in love with the idea of watching rains from my window sil again after so many years. Well, after so many years of walking in the rains, there is nothing much left to do other than finding a shelter and watching it pour. It feels great that at least the sky cries in a refreshing manner. ....

Clarity

2009-08-06T21:36:00.004+05:30

one trait that any professional must have is - Clarity. This is one trait that I feel any recruiter must look out for in the prospective candidate.
My big boss Mr. Vijay Dogra, shines through everthing else, due to this wonderful virtue of his. The clarity of thought is amazing...

Over the period of my experiences in my work-life, I have found that the people who have impressed me and have gained my respect are having this one trait in common.

The way one speaks and conducts is a reflection of the clarity of thought of that person. I have always tried to be clear myself but amazingly it varies a lot... what I mean to say is... in some situations, like when I am dealing with my team members, when they come to me for guidance, I am very clear. But at the same time, when I am working with a senior colleague, I tend to be confused. Its so strange and frustruating. Inconsistency in clarity is again an issue, since you confuse the people around you. One day you impress your colleagues with your wisdom and clarity and the next day you goof up and make them re-think on why they thought of you as a good professional in the first place.

Anyways, take this exercise... pick the people that you admire and see if they have this one trait with them. More than knowledge, humility, skill, oratory, attitude, charisma.... more than any of these... its the clarity of thought that makes them stand apart and take the right decisions. Or rather, ask the right questions.

Why Democracy is more acceptable, although flawed?

2009-08-02T08:27:00.002+05:30

"Communism/Socialism, in it's ideal state, is better than Democracy/Liberalism in it's ideal state.
But Democracy/Liberalism in it's flawed state is far far better than Communism/Socialism in it's flawed state."

And 'ideal' is not an attribute associated with Man. Hence Democracy is more acceptable to the world. I guess !!!

Then....

2009-07-26T23:01:00.001+05:30

......and when this is all over, then.....

If you have a moment

2009-07-10T13:13:00.002+05:30

Thats the name, that I will give to my own place.... I don't know what it will be. As of now, I am 'wearing the sunscreen' like how Mary Schmich describes.

but think of it this way... how would you feel if you came across a place to eat that called itself - 'If you have a moment...'

or an NGO called 'If you have a moment...'

or anything man... just aaa-nnn-yyy thing , if called that way, ... how would it feel....uummmm.... I dunno... but I somehow came up that name yesterday while travelling on this train.... somehow.... it stayed.

How does it feel for you..... if you have a moment, then please do think over it ;-) and let me know ....

Micheal Jackson !!!

2009-06-26T17:10:00.000+05:30

My one Wish !

2009-06-24T14:49:00.002+05:30

How I wish I could explain my actions!!!!
If God was to give me three wishes, I would choose to be given a chance to explain to them, why I did what I did.

Hell, its suffocating not to have this freedom. For a person who believes in communicating no matter what and for a person who can express and communicate well, I have been deprived of opportunities to explain my actions at the most critical junctures of my life.

Its such a hypocritical feeling.... preaching to the whole world to communicate, but unable to do so myself.

Even now, I have stories to narrate, unknown incidents to reveal, logics to be explained, situations to be recollected..... and yet HE/SHE up above the world so high, wants me not to be nigh.

So to keep me alive, kicking and tripping - HE has ordained upon me, this decree !

Poets of the Fall

2009-06-13T13:13:00.000+05:30

I wake up to the sound of rain upon my sill
Pick up the pieces of my yesterday old thrill
Can I deliver this used up shiver
To how I pronounce my life
And leave it up to faith to go by its own will

Back row to the left
A little to the side
Slightly out of place
Look beyond the light
Where you'd least expect
There's someone special

A foggy morning greets me quietly today
I smell a fragrance in the wind blowing my way
And ever further I run to find her
I yearn to define my life
Placing my faith in chance to meet me in half way

Back row to the left
A little to the side
Slightly out of place
Look beyond the light
Where you'd least expect
There's someone special

And she's here to write her name
On my skin with kisses in the rain
Hold my head and ease my pain
In a world that's gone insane...

...and it was called 'Yellow'

2009-05-15T13:16:00.002+05:30

* A lake, a river, a stream, a rivulet, a puddle - all of these have an edge, the edge of the water. The edge where the water shallows out and gently laps up to the land. I absolutely love to see the water's edge ending up in blades of grass. You know when there is grass cover on the edge of the lake, stream, puddle - and the water slowly tapers laterlly to meet that blade of grass. It is such a pleasing sight to the eyes. Especially when Sun rays make the water's edge glint. Brilliant.
whenever going in a train, please look out and you will find plenty of such 'water's edges'. I believe this sight is even better than the view of the mountains over the same lake, or the waves of the lake. I always intently watch these peripheral beauties than the actual water. Lovely. Try looking out for it.

* Saw this family caught at the railway station without a ticket. And obviously they cannot pay the steep fine. So what do they do. I dont know. I was utterly helpless. The fellow tried to save himself 200 bucks by not getting the train tickets and now has to end up paying nearly 1000 bucks as fine. 1000 rupees is huge for him. That was half a month's salary for him. The old woman, his mother, two kids and his wife - all looking like lost souls. And the ticket checker shouting obscenities at him and abusing the old woman for pleading with him. I dont know what to do. Am confused

Some get made, and some get sent !

2009-05-15T12:57:00.003+05:30

May 11, 2009
I came, I saw and I conquered !
A bit immodest, but what the heck !! Am really in an upbeat mood today. The team that I was in and captained, has won a tournament. As I said earlier, I have been playing some football with the guys at the stadium. The coach announced that a tournament would be held among the club’s players with all the 80 players divided into 4 teams. One of the teams called the Dodgers Lions, was handed over to me and I was supposed to captain the side. It could not have started from a worse note, with one of the senior players unhappy with him being in my team, away from his friends. He refused to do anything and just sat there sulking. This started the other players complaining of how weak a team the Lions were and how we should be getting some more better players. I knew I had a huge task on my hands.

Here was I just 4 days old into the stadium scheme of things and the guys didn’t even know who I was and where had I suddenly appeared from. The only people who recognized me on the field were my old coach and a couple of mommies of the kids who were also in the academy the year before. So it was up to me to create a healthy team-spirit and with my bitter experiences at witnessing dictatorial styles of leadership, I decided to be a cheerful and happy go-lucky but an intelligent leader. There was no way I could get away with vetoing the guys’ ideas or giving them lengthy advices. It would just have made the team members treat me like the Kolkata Knight Riders treating John Buchanan !

So there was I listening to each one of them and saying that what they are saying is right. But what I could do, to my relief, was to make them listen to me as well. I told them to play strategically and in an organized. An ordinary team can be successful only when each member realizes her/his role in the scheme of things and is willing to essay it. I gave them the option of choosing whatever positions they wanted to play, because I did not have the respect of the players to even command them to do something that they were not comfortable with . This democratic policy did give me some strategic headaches with certain weaknesses creeping in to the shape of the team, but then I had no choice but to proceed.

Thankfully the team covered up the weaknesses with an inspired display in the first game to win it emphatically 4-0. I was glad that I had marshaled the mid-field play well and with my passing skills, helped in keeping the opposition away from the ball. I thought I had done pretty well. We were having a team meeting after the game and discussing about what happened. That’s when one of the junior boys got up and loudly announced that I was not playing well and that I was proving to be a slow-coach in the middle !!!! I was shocked !!! Me – a slow-coach ???????? You must be kidding. I am supposed to be one of the fastest guys on the circuit. Kid, I can run 100 meters in 10.9 seconds flat !! The selector of Gujarat once had congratulated me on my agility and speed on the field. I can’t be slow !!!!

Suddenly there was silence in our bunch. I realised that probably he was right since it was long time ago that I could stake a claim to be fast and now with lack of practice I was slower than what my alter-ego thought. I could see that some of the seniors in the team were intently watching me. I honestly could not make out if they agreed with the boy or not, but nevertheless I took a huge step in probably saving our team from further blame game, by just smiling at the boy and just offered him a “ok”. This thankfully had the desired effect and there was no further blame game. But inside of me, there was this lurking suspicion about what would happen if we lost a match in the future. Anyway, I offered my team bananas, glucose, cold-drinks and snacks. No wonder, they slowly started calling me a ‘wannabe Shane Warne’. I was considerably older than my team-mates and was not regular on the football circuit of the city. I had come in from Bangalore and was playing with this team for a couple of weeks for the love of the game. They found it amusing and did not lose any opportunity to pull my leg.

The weakness that I had mentioned earlier, cost us in the second game with us conceding a goal in the first half of the game. We went into the break a goal down and the mood in the team was somber. I refrained from making any speeches.Teams are so used to half-time speeches, that if someone does not make it, they think that he is not interested. Slowly a bit of bickering started with the usual suspects calling for changes in the formation and the style. They were suggesting some changes that did not make much sense to me, since I was convinced that we are better off playing the way we were. I didn’t want to make the same mistake that I made in my college days- both at UG level playing for my college team and at PG level tournament – both instances I changed the strategy half-way and had to pay the price for it. This time I just walked off with my banana announcing that there would be no changes, no substitutions and no strategy changes till we pump in two more goals. I just said that and went back to the field to practice with the ball. This probably had a tremendous effect on the players ( which I came to know much later) One of the parents who was a spectator commented, “Look at your captain, he is so cool and composed. He knows there is nothing to worry about. Then why are you boys so jittery. Go out there and play with him.” Only I knew that I was far from composed. I blurted out those words, but now I knew there was going to egg on my face if something positive did not happen in the second half.

We resumed the game after the break and probably due to the adrenaline rush, our team got a corner kick on the right side of the goal post. Normally the better, faster players take the initiative to kick the ball in such situations, but this time I ran across 50 meters to snatch the ball and take the corner kick with my weaker left foot. My team mates protested. They said, “take it with the right. Left will not be powerful enough” Let me tell you that none of my team mates could use their left leg to kick the ball since they were all ‘uni-footed’ players. I just stared at them and continued placing the ball at the corner spot to kick it with the left. Pure football logic said that taking the kick with the left and curling the ball into the post, so that somebody could head it in, was the better plan – and I stuck to it. I curled it in with my left leg and sure enough it created such confusion in the opposition defense that one of the players handled the ball in order to clear it from the danger area and this resulted in us getting a penalty kick, which, yes you guessed it right – I took and pumped in our first goal. !!!!

That was all that was needed for my team. They responded to this with tremendous spirit and skill and by the time we finished the game, we had won the game 3-1. The penalty kick was the last time I had to kick the ball hard, since thereafter the ball never crossed our half line to come to me. The boys saw to it that they gave me enough rest at the back and put the game to bed with an inspired performance. Probably this game gave me the most satisfaction since - I had contributed to the team. Nobody spoke to me or praised me – which was fine with me, since I could sense a new found respect in their eyes for me and this is all that I wanted.

I carried this individual euphoria in to our next game thinking of myself as a brilliant and gem of a player. No wonder, I was the worst player on the park for those 90 minutes. I was so pathetic in the game due to my over-confidence that I even conceded a goal due to my silly mistake even though our team was cruising along. The crowd booed but my team mates kept silent and encouraged me. I can never forget the fact that they stood by me when I was doing badly. Again a sign of how good a team we were when it came to playing like a unit. We won the match and progressively the tournament with an all-win record. We were the apple of the eye of all the spectators since we played a style of football that they were not used to seeing in the local tournaments. And what’s more, some of our players got noticed by some key people who run football in the city. I just hope a couple of the boys make it big and remember the time when this old man played a part in them playing the style of football that is different from what is played at the local clubs.

The prize distribution ceremony was held with the parents in attendance and I returned home with a gold medal, four yeas after I had left competitive football. My mother joked about how I still thought of myself as a kid and didn’t want to stop bringing home medals, hoping that mom and dad would give him ice-cream ( ya, I used to get ice-cream whenever I won anything in school or college).
Anyways it was a wonderful experience for me, on a vacation back home. Never thought I would spend my break from work, slogging it out in the 40+ degree heat of Gujarat. Everyday I was on the field from 2:30 pm to 7:30 pm and my mom is already complaining about me losing my complexion. Mothers, I tell you, can create a fuss about the silliest of things. How does complexion matter for a guy, I never have understood. But she goes about complaining to all the aunties and uncles that “my boy was so much fatter and fairer when he came from Bangalore. Now look at him !! He is half the size and looks as if he has not seen food for ten days ! And look at his skin !!! Its ruined !!!” I quip that I am her son, not her daughter !!! God !she is funny !!

Shoot an apple off my head !

2009-05-15T12:45:00.002+05:30

For me, the football practice this year, has been intense. Well, the first day I went to play at my club, I saw a zillion kids kicking up some decent dust with their football studs/boots. As usual the mommy brigade was also there with some curvaceous aunties playing doting mommies to their toddler kids who had been brought to the training ground to get their sporting genes activated. I always feel that these parents bring their kids to play football only to check if everything is all right with their kids – “ does my Bablu have his bearings right?" "is my chintu having enough strength in his lungs to run up and down ten times without asking for water?” . What else explains them bringing their off-springs to the football ground – of course its not that they want their child to become the ‘next big thing’ in football!!! Surely its not for the fame and the money – if it were, then they would be sending them to the cricket ground where there are no dearth of training camps. No parent will send her kid to the football ground with an eye on money. Its just to tell her kitty party friends that “oh my son is getting trained at the ‘Dodgers Football Academy’ . you see, playing football is ‘different’.

Anyways, whatever be the reason, I see lot of mommies coming to the stadium and placing themselves on to the concrete stands, where we put our kit-bags and usually sit before the game to discuss and change. Some mothers bring three different bottles along with them – one with water, one with juice and one with glucose. My god, how I hate hand-kerchiefs. I never carry one even to office, forget about carrying one to the football ground , goodness Gracious me !!! I saw this kid with a hand-kerchief pinned to his football jersey. I just rolled my eyes and walked away from the ‘doting mother’. The sweat and the dirt is a part and parcel of the game – sorry the game is not for the vain. It’s a pity that some parents play such a protective role that sometimes it just hampers the child’s perspective of things.

Neverthless, I still do not mind the feminine presence on the field. It adds some spice to the drab and dreary surroundings. I still remember when we used to be in school/college and sometimes we used to have some of our friends’ girl-friends coming along to watch their boy-friends play. It also was a time when the boys could spend some time with their girls without being seen in public, since football ground is not a place where your snoopy parents would come hunting. Anyways, feminine presence always used to create a buzz and no wonder all the individual football skills were promptly put on display. Suddenly the bandanas and the head-bands appeared, the ball would go to the edge of the field more often and there would be wild swipes taken at the ball, to make it reach the stands. Ha ! Ha ! Yours truly was no different as far as the excitement at seeing the beauties was concerned, but I was acutely aware that I should better not get embarrassed conceding a goal with my inept display and make a mockery of myself in front of the fairer audience. The guys would always question me and I would sagely reply “those are someone else’s girlfriends. And I don’t want to make my team-mates jealous by attracting her attentions” ;-P And I would shrug my shoulders and walk away without looking at their reaction – which I can say without an iota of doubt was jeers and laughter !!! They would have laughed their brains out at my statements.

Cutting back to the present - the aunties did notice me as a considerably older boy among their sugarbabies. I come early and do my warm and kick around with the tiny ones while the bigger boys troop in later. This gives a chance to do all the exercise and have the young kids entertain me with their take on football and how it should be played. Once I had a tutorial on how to kick a ball by a 5 year old who was disgusted at the way I was kicking the ball. After the ten minute session was over, I admitted that ‘some of the best advice comes for free and from the most unlikely of sources’.

Simple Joys :-)

2009-04-29T17:22:00.002+05:30

Sitting at the airport, most of us can spend time observerving other passengers if not reading. And especially if there are some 'interesting' characters around, it is all the more difficult to keep you eyes on to the book that you are reading. I had a family with a couple and their 6 year old girl child sitting next to me the waiting lounge before the security check. As usual I was reading my book and also keeping a keen eye on them, for I am always fascinated with kids and can spend hours watching them do all their shenanigans !

The man was taking an international flight and the kid with her mother were taking a domestic one to Delhi. So they seperated with just a small hug and went on for their respective security checks. The man was soft but matter of fact and showed little emotions. So was the woman and surprisingly there was no hug for the child reserved by her father !My scheming mind was by now working over-time cooking up stories about how the couples lose their ability to indulge in public displays of affection, after a few years of marriage and etc etc.

I also finished with my checks and was again waiting to board, when I saw the girl and her mother sitting behind me. After a few moments, I saw the same man making his way across the waiting lounge and entering the international boarding lounge. The domestic and international sections were seperated by a glass partioning and hence we could see both the sides. The man didnt realise that his family was sitting across the lobby and unawares he settled down on his seat and was waiting.
The wife who was sitting a few rows behind me saw him and suddenly cried out in utter surprise !!!

Now this was sight to remember... this petite lady jumped from her seat and started waving frantically at her husband. And as expected the little one too joined in the fun and started prancing around. Immediately her husband looked up and saw his 'jumping wife and prancing daughter'. He just smiled and lifted a lazy arm over his head to wave at them. That's it !!!! The lady and her kid immediately ran across the few rows and came and sat in the first row of the domestic lobby - directly facing her husband who was seperated from them by a huge glass panel.

She had this lovely smile on her face while she was watching her husband and he too had a shy smile on his face. I was wondering on how lovely the moment was. Women love surprises, I am telling you. The same man evoked little emotion, when leaving for his flight check-in and now when they thought they had parted and won't meet each other ... they serendipitiously meet and this brings out heithro hidden emotions on her face. Lovely !!

But then, the man never even for a moment got up from his seat and never for a moment gave away anything more than a smile even after being surpirsed. Whereas his wife , who was a picture of solemnity a while back, was now jumping around like a litttle girl who has found her way into wonderland !! How different are the ways men and women react to the same situations, na ? When things are normal and expected, the women reflect a different personality. But when there is surprise in store, then we witness a completely differnt personality of a woman. She will emote and emote big time !! The guys will just take it all with a smile and a shrug of the shoulder... the lady will throw her poise and elegance out of the window and wear her heart on her sleeve ( or sleeveless !!) Interesting !!!

I could see that the woman was enjoying this tantalising situation of her husband sitting just ten meters away , facing her and yet not able to touch or speak to each other... it thrilled her to no end !! And he was just soaking in all the excitement that his wife was suddenly experiencing... how wonderful is a woman, who can find joy and pleasure out of such situations !! I am always amazed by this !!

Unforgetable learning for me !! This one !! Made my day !! Simple Joys !!!

Hiatus !

2009-04-19T17:28:00.006+05:30

hey ! am back again ! I almost forgot I had this space on the web !
me been upto some music soul-searching ... so obviously I have to put this as my first post afte such a long time.... I begin my session after the hiatus with a list of songs that have caught my fancy the past few days. Here we go

1. Phil Collins - Something Happened on the way to Heaven
I have heard Phil Collins before but never did this song register in my head as much as it did that once when it was played on the FM. Lovely percussion on this song. The arrangement and the vocals of the legendary Phil Collins make it a peppy and energetic listen. Live performance is when the musicians in his band come out and prove their mettle. Come back home and watch its video each night before going to bed. :-) Yaaaa, Yaaaa, Rihanna and her umbrella has taken a back seat for a baldie and some fifty something, bearded men ! What an irony !!

2. Brad Paisley & Alison Krause - Whiskey Lullaby
Easily get slotted in my all time favourites. Had heard some Brad Paisley before and liked his vocal strength. But Alison Krause in this song was a revelation! My God, she sang well ! When I saw her standing there with both hands folded placed nervously in front of her, I was a bit sceptical as to whether she's been ever on stage or not? But when she started singing, I could feel the song,feel each note, each variation. The best thing about this song is the clarity of each syllable. Of course the song would not be here, without the melody. As Hugh Grant says in the movie Music & Lyrics melody/music is more important than the lyrics :-) But this song is a classic where both music and the lyrics are top class. This is songwriting at its best.

3. The Script - The Man Who Cant be Moved
Wonderful ! The Script comes to my notice with this track. Must admit had not heard their tracks earlier but this song made me stand up and take notice. Love the flow of the song. :-)

4. Pussy Cat Dolls - I Hate this Part
The other day I was speaking to my sister over phone and mid-way through, I started humming this tune. She waited, she waited and she waited...for me to stop.. but in vain ! Then I told her that this is a song that is just not leaving my lips and I have to sing it to get over it. Anytime of the day, it will just pop into your head and then there is no way to go.. Its like this irreprisble feeling that you cannot breathe without humming it. I invariably end up shaking my body to this song - be it the sombre settings of the office, the bike or bang in the middle of a play ... can you imagine, I ended up humming this song while watching a play , to the chagrin of the rest of the audience. My sister expressed her surprise like this " WHAT !!! Puuuuuussy Cat Dollsssss ???????? I can't believe this !! How is it that you are listening to such bands? I thought you hated the Britneys, the Christina augileras, the skimpy bunch? (A wicked laugh ). True ! I hate listening to that bunch or those whose contribution to a song is nothing but sing it in the confines of the studio and lip sync on stage.... I hate musicians who do not either compose or write or arrange the song. But anyways Pussy Cat Dolls' this track truly has caught my fancy against all odds. All the booty shaking aside, I love the way Nicole sings it and the melody in this song. Worth letting go my lofty ideal and stupid ego to enjoy some good music.

5. Nirvana - Come As You Are
Need I say anthing about this legendary piece? Well, its been long time since I had a Kurt Cobain track on my "Most played list". Keep humming this impromptu !

6. Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody
After Spiderman's OST 'Hero', I had forgotten about Chad Kroeger. But a few weeks back I heard some giggly teen request for this song on the FM station and I was expecting some teen punk song... but the song started with a nice thrust and picked up a good melody as it went forward and culminated in a wonderfully pleasing rhythm. And I was like,.."Ummmm, I have heard that voice before !!" Yes, it was Chad Kroeger. His gruffy, hoarse voice, strangely seems so soothing to my ears. No wonder, now Nickelback's all tracks are often played in my household.

7. INXS - Afterglow
Wonderful song ! Cant comment much about the quality of the music or the lyrics, 'coz am still trying to figure it out. But makes it to the list due to the wondeful arrangement in the song. Well sung too and brings back INXS to my ears after the equally soothing 'Beautiful Girl' by the same INXS.

Well, there you go... these are favourites at the moment. Of course Coldplay, doesnt feature on this list because they do not qualify as this is a list of songs/bands that are not my favourites but are currently my favourite 'listens'. There will come a time shortly when some other songs will catch my fancy and then I will put them up here. :-)

There it is... Damn !! now i am again humming "I hate this part right here " This song is hell bent upon ruining my reputation !!! Lewis Hamilton, keep your cat out of my face man !!!

2009-02-24T23:21:00.002+05:30

Does it help if you are like a boy in most of the times of your life but become a man, when it matters the most.... at times when you have to take a decison.

or

Does it help if you are like a man most of the times in your life, but act like a boy when it comes to the most important moments of your life... times when you have had to make decisions.

Out of the Title Race... For sure !!

2009-02-22T22:48:00.003+05:30

I am depressed yaar !!! The moment Lucas and Mascherano stepped on to the pitch, I was livid. I know because I banged my hand against the wall and it has been hurting ever since. How can two holding midfielders be able to creat something in the absence of Steven Gerrard and Xabi Alonso ? For God's sake Rafa... this is Anfield. Have we not drawn enough matches here to learn from them? Champions do not fear losing !!!

As I witnessed the match progress, I could not help but wonder that Liverpool FC is short of quality players. It is a realization that had dawned upon us fans a couple of months ago when we were still winning games. Somewhere it was always lurking... the fear that we would soon run of steam and then these lack of quality bench strength would hurt us. And now today as I saw a struggling midfield, I felt sorry for Torres, Carragher, Stevie G, Alonso, Kyut... the only quality players in the side who give it their 100% to win....not just draw.

Come on who are we fooling here... we are only half of what a Manchester United team is.... Winners !!! Full credit to Sir Alex Fergusen and dis-credit to Rafael Benitez. Rafa has done so much of chopping and changing.... he has never given security to his players...not allowing the players to settle into a role.... Only Carragher and Pepe Reina have started each and every game of the season for the club. Rafa has let Robbie Keane go... I have no idea why... He said that Robbie was hard working player and he was trying very hard to play well... then why show him the door after spending $20 million on him. Can a quality player like him not be expected to hit form sooner than later...??? Ok you let a multi-million player go, but then whom have you brought into the side? Nobody. Nobody to replace Robbie.

Rafa, are you even serious about winning the Premier League? I doubt. You are afraid ! You are scared !!

And now Rafa you can kiss goodbye to your Champions League dreams as well. Our midfield cannot even close down the opposition and keep the ball. More worringly, there is no creativity and inventiveness in our side. Against a quality team we rely heavily on Gerrard and Torres to win or bail us out. This is not done. Simply not done !! The fraility against set-pieces is more than obvious.

I am sad at this turn of events... but I now am sure that we are out of the title race. All we can hope for is to keep a clean record at home...and just watch and applaud Man U show the footballing world, how it is done. I accept the fact that Liverpool have lost it. Its a sad day for us !!

Broken Strings

2009-02-17T11:28:00.002+05:30

And I thought I was over this 'pop' thing. Every time I think that I have seen it all and am over my early love of POP songs, there comes in a song that just makes me question my 'likes' again.

I have been out of listening to the soft pop for quite some time. By this I mean that the modern artists have not appealed to me much with their compositions. Hence I have stuck on to ColdPlay, U2,Pink Floyd etc. But then I was taken aback by the charm of the latest single from James Morrisson called "Broken Strings". Nelly Furtado also lends her lovely voice to this duet and the moment I heard it a month or so back, I was swept off my feet.

Something so nice about this song... the way it builds up to a crescendo with thier voices interlacing to weave a smooth pattern. What a voice this fellow has !! No wonder his resemblance to Chris Martin ( Coldplay ) makes him even more fascinating to me.

Songwriting has still survived I guess. I will re-produce the lyrics here.... they will not do justice to the flow of the song when read. Just hear it out once... am sure you will not hate it. Not the best song of all times, but definitely a lovely song to restore my faith in POP music.

The parting gift !!!

2009-02-13T22:57:00.005+05:30

I sometimes wonder what would I leave behind for my children, my beloved, my parents. What gift shall I give them, that would be precious enough?
If I were a painter, I would paint for them. If I were a musician, I would write a piece of music for them. If I were a poet, I would write poems for them. If I were a sculptor, I would give them an exquisite statue. If I were an engineer, I would build for them. If I were a doctor, I would make a panacea for them.....etc...etc...etc...

But I am a sales-man. Shall I sell myself for them?

2009-02-13T22:18:00.001+05:30

Sometimes I do what I want to do. But most of the times I do what I have to do.

2009-02-09T23:43:00.001+05:30

In the end, there is nowhere to go but where we come from !!!

Our Planet !!!

2009-01-26T14:28:00.002+05:30

Please take some time out and check this link.

http://dsds.teriin.org/2009/index.htm

Sustainable development - what a powerful thought. Its not a fight, but its a feature that ought to be inherent in each one of us, the generation that is going to live on our planet for the next six or seven decades. Ignorance is not bliss here my dear friends. Lets just enlighten ourselves. Maybe, just maybe it would become an integral part of our psyche, our habits, our daily life and our character. I have written about our need to inculcate a few habits, changes, efforts into our daily life - an effort to not save our planet ( no heroic notions here ), but to sustain ourselves and fellow humans all over this planet.

Lets just read more about this summit called the Delhi Sustainable Development Summit happening on the 5th to 7th February 2009.

Developed Nations, Developing nations, Third World - I do not like all these terms. Its our planet ! OUR PLANET !! Lets do something to take care of it.

You will never walk alone !!!

2008-12-24T22:03:00.003+05:30

"There's not one club in Europe with an anthem like You'll Never Walk Alone. There's not one club in the world so united with the fans. I sat there watching the Liverpool fans and they sent shivers down my spine. A mass of 40,000 people became one force behind their team. That's something not many teams have. For that I admire Liverpool more than anything."
- Dutch legend Johan Cruyff after Istanbul.( Liverpool won the Champions League Final)

"We were sitting in the dressing room and we could clearly hear thousands of fans singing You'll Never Walk Alone. Can you imagine how that felt? We were 3-0 down in the Champions League final and all we could hear were 45,000 people letting us know they still believed in us. We knew they had endured a long journey and made so many sacrifices to be there. It was at that point we started to believe too."
-Luis Garcia on what inspired the amazing comeback in Istanbul.

"Liverpool's fans are just amazing. The best feeling I have at away games is Anfield. It is just incredible. I love it. You get goose bumps when you see their supporters sing You'll Never Walk Alone." Arsenal and France star Thierry Henry

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

I have tears in my eyes !! (sniff!).

2008-12-22T14:48:00.002+05:30

Dream is a place where wish and fear meet. When the wish and the fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare.

Its taken from the novel Shantaram. I have not been able to understand what it means. What is he trying to say? I wonder....

Always Be Your Best !

2008-12-18T20:53:00.001+05:30

A consolation after today's tough day in office !!

"When you think it doesn’t matter
if you fail or pass the test.
Keep in mind the reason why
you should always be your best.

While the whole world may not notice
if you tried to give your all,
there is a person in you
to whom it matters if you fall.

That little voice inside you -
which directs your thoughts each day -
will make the final judgement
if you won or lost each day.

Never can you fail yourself
if you give it all you’ve got.
The world extends a hand to you
when you give life your best shot.

For all that really matters
when you're finished with your test,
is not the final score at all -
but did you do your best?
- Tom Krause

Finally !!!

2008-12-15T19:46:00.003+05:30

Finally, he did it ! It was long time coming, but ultimately, come , it did !!
At last his loyalists can go without indulging in justification sessions. A fourth innings century on a deteriorating pitch and that too in a winning cause !!
Wow , this century tastes so so so much sweeter than most of his centuries !!

I will not rue over the fact that I couldnt witness it on TV or in person. At last his detractors can heave a sigh of relief as they do not have to wage a loosing battle !!!

Only we ( his supporters ) will know how much we waited for this elusive knock... the jewel in the crown !! His boyish leap into the Chennai air, goes to show how much he himself wanted it !! wowwwwww !!!!

Thank you Lord !!

P.S - Just one more wish.... Hope Dravid's fortunes too turnaround !!

But, yaaaayyyyy !!! Am so happy !!! Yeeeehhhaaaaawwwww !!!!!

Liminal Stage

2008-12-08T14:36:00.001+05:30

Ever been in one?

Tits and bits... to fill your mouth with a smile !

2008-11-21T19:36:00.004+05:30

A CHILD'S PRAYER

A mother I met told me that she saw her little boy sitting in a corner of the room, saying " A-B-C-D-E-F-...."
"What are you doing?" she asked
"Mom, you told me I should pray, but I have never prayed in my life and I dont't know how. So I gave God the whle alphabet and asked him to make a good prayer of it."

Morning Walk

Six am - Two women in their salwar-kameez are out for their morning walk. As they walk, they talk about their important friendships: husbands, kids, coworkers. They occasionally touch each other's shoulders, stop, face each other and laugh. A sun-dried seventy-something man, wearing an orange sweater and monkey cap, walks by, smiles , and says, "You two look like you're doing ballet together." And so they are. As friends, they are dancing in synchrony: listening, encouraging, challenging each other.
And these two women are My mother Shobhana and her best friend Meera aunty (as I call her) And this is me, Shobhana's son's view of these two beautiful ladies, while they are on their morning walk in the garden near our residence. A son watches on her mother to catch those glimpses of joy on her face, to watch her animatedly describe her son's and daughter's exploits and sorrows - and share her heart with the sole person who can - her friend. Cheers to friendship.

( Inspired by an article in "In the Company of Friends".)

I could not stop that.... you now know ! ;-)

2008-11-21T19:04:00.004+05:30

For a week or so, I let out a sigh of sympathy. Then for a week I let out a sigh of joy and then for the rest of those days, I let out a sigh of envy ! - All directed at one person in particular. The person in question is a dwarfish man ( I don't know if its rude to call him that), standing outside Kemp Kids on M G Road.

This person is a 'small' man of about 3 feet or so in height. His job is to don a suit of various animals and stand outside the Kids Kemp shop welcoming the customers and the kids who walk in. He is short, has a rough edge to his face, has a grumpy look perennialy and dresses shabbily when not inside that suit. But once inside the furry suit, he seems to be such a cute little dynamite. He plays around with the kids, waves good-byes to the people passing by the shop, gives little fluffy candies to kids and gives them hugs. Thats his job.

Earlier, I started to be really sorry on seeing him eking out a living by doing such a 'menial' job. Thats why the sigh of sympathy. That's when I saw certain other things.

The kids were so comfortable playing around with the furry dog or a roly-poly rabbit. They enthusiastically shook his hands and climbed on top of him. He was equally happy in cupping their tiny hands and giving them hi-fives ! Thats when I started giving out sigh of joy

This became a daily activity for me gradually. I used to step out of office to have a cup of tea near this store and used to pass by the place where our 'dummy man' stands. Some times when there were no kids to play around with, he would try and while away his time by waving at us and blabbering nonsensical gibberish through the mask over him.... How funny I used to think. I used to just give him my typical smile and move along. And other times I used to see him sitting on his chair, carressing and lovingly playing with a kid. One image will never be erased out of my memory... the image of a small 3 year old girl, sitting on his lap and hugging him. And he too wrapped his claws/hands around her. She sensed this and tightened her hold, her tiny & chubby fingers cushioning inside his furry exterior. What a poignant moment that was !!! I could imagine his face slowly relaxing and enjoying this show of affection, even though I could not see his face inside the mask.
How a little girl, with her innocence, ironed out the creases on his forehead. How a 'simple' job like his, gave him the comforts that I could never get !

Thats when I started to sigh out of envy !

How I would also love to swap places with him, just to experience the touch of child over my skin! My skin has burnt out of lack of touch. An innocent touch of a child, gives me such a tremendous adrenaline rush that I cannot capture it in words or emotions. Everytime any kid - be it my relatives' or my friends'or even strangers'- hugs me or touches me, I feel so elated. Not even a woman's touch feels so good as does a little child's. It comes second only to my mother's touch. :-)

Jumbo - The Great !!!

2008-11-02T16:25:00.002+05:30

The eyes are moist, and my heart weeps.... I do not know if it weeps out of sorrow or it weeps out of nostalgia, or out of respect.... All I know that this is emotional as emotional can be.

Anil Kumble has retired from international cricket. And a fan still wipes the tears straming down.... :-(

A dash of light and colour, is all it takes... :-)

2008-10-29T17:50:00.005+05:30

From the moment I opened my eyes today at 7 am, I was feeling wonderful. Some days are like that, na? Just perfect....

I am passing through the most stressful days of my career, as is evident from the scarcity of posts on my blog for a very long time now. Even when I sleep, its fight against the darkness... a jostle for daybreak to happen... so that I can wake up and hit for work... not because I am so in love with my work... duuuhhh... but for the simple reason that I have too much to do and I am bad at time management (whatever that means )

But today I was relaxed... I opened my eyes and I lay there on the bed... now that is rare... very rare... as soon as eyes open, its as if there is some military command given to my legs to just unwrap themselves and put their beloved self on the floor. But today was going to be different.... I was convinced. I woke up with a smile on my face... how refreshing :-) The day saw me cooking breakfast... a wonderful breakfast of scrambled eggs mixed with crumbs of bread, onions, green chillies with a dash of oil... it was good... nothing revolutionary but nice. Not perfect but normal ... just normal....and for once I realized what normal feels like.

The day panned out well with lots of reading, watching the Little Master hit the Australian bowlers ( did I mention anytime that I love test cricket more than one day or twenty twenty ) And then with a hot cup of tea in my hands, I put on some nice music.. and made my way outside my apartment. Walking around in your slippers, shorts and comfy jersey - I swear it was such a nice feeling..... The whole building reverbrating with the music emanating from my apartment... everyone could hear it but I do not think anybody was disturbed... for once Winamp decided to play those songs that could be pleasing and uplifting !!

And there you go... like icing on the cake.... kids came bustling out of their houses... suddenly it was like a carnival... those little ones didnt shriek or make any noise... just kept playing their weird games... sometime hiding inside my legs, sometimes climbing over me and sometimes asking for a sip of my tea... he he he....
And when kids are playing, their mothers can never be away , can they? They have to always spoil the fun with their pedantic looks... whew....

These young mothers are the prime example of obnoxious creatures... why do they look at you so suspiciously everytime, as if you are one of those who have just got out of prison and out to disturb their peaceful and normal life. Its a grouse that I have of the so called 'families'... they think of bachelors living amidst them to be outsiders... whew... as if we do not belong to any families... I face it everyday when I open up my apartment's doors and windows to let in sunshine and fresh air.. and there you go, the lady living in the apartment will close her door on me... why yaar, ? I dont have any interest in poking into your household , honey... chill !!!
Lolz !!!

And whilst those kids were scampering around and I was blissfully unaware of the stares that I was getting from those young mothers.... I get a call from my friend. And you know what, I am standing on the second floor common area, there are these ladies around in the third and first floors, gossiping secretively, every now and then glancing furtively at me.... and what do I do.... he he he .... I talk about them staring at me in no unequivocal terms and at a quite audible volumet to my friend.... I ask her, " I wonder why they staring at me yaaaa?" And she just laughs back and says, "Anna, are you wearing your skimpy khaki shorts that you wore on the day I visted you?" I said yes. And then the way she laughed gave me full idea as to why they were staring at me.... I will not say any more....

So there I go sipping on my tea and oh ya... watering my potted plants... what admirable courage they showed past month or so, when they survived without any care from my side.... Oh, I showered them with my love and attention... cleaning them with gusto. It felt so lovely doing household work and not be bothered about any work related pressure.... all these activities made me realize... being alone on Diwali, is not that bad afterall... :-) ...

And the day continues still.... a nice shower with warm water, a date with the Almighty at the Ayyappa Temple and a nice supper awaits this fellow.... and of course Bill Aitken is yearning for my attention... his book 'Seven Sacred Rivers' still remains unfinished... just one of the unfinished businesses that I have to round off this perfect day with ! A lonely but perfect day !!!!

Hola !!!!!

The first sign .... Now the prayer begins

2008-10-28T18:20:00.003+05:30

It took me almost two days to come out of the shock of the improbable win of Liverpool over Chelsea at Chelsea's home ground, Stamford Bridge. How the hell did Liverpool pull it off!!!!!!!!! I am still dazed.... I never gave them a chance of winning it.... I just thought that if we play well , then maybe we can escape with a draw. All the pundits just confirmed my belief. So here I was sitting in front of my TV without even a prayer. Hmm.... and God has some superb ways of proving that HE exists.

I dont exactly know from when I started supporting Liverpool Football Club... I guess from the time Michael Owen burst on to the scene and since he played for Liverpool, I by default became a Liverpool supporter. But when he shifted to Real Madrid, I still didnt feel like supporting Real. Thats when I realized that I had become a true Liverpool fan. After Owen's departure, I found myself heroworshipping other liverpool players like Steven Gerrard, Riise, Carragher ( I modelled my game on his style... I will always consider him to be the best defender after Paolo Maldini)

This win gives me confidence but it still doesnt convince me about Liverpool winning the Premier League. I am ashamed to say this being a big fan of the club... but I cant see the champion stuff in them.... just a feeling... i do not say that to my friends, because I do not want to sound like a pessimist....
But rest assured, I will never stop supporting the team however bad they play. The toughest of times Liverpool FC went through and I was there shouting at the top of my voice in order to cheer them ( albeit in my living room ).

Now I have a fear - as is evident from the title of this post - I am afraid this win is God's way of pleasing us . Maybe God just wants to give us such record breaking wins , just to soften the shock of not winning the league :-( Call me a pessimist if you want to , just as far as sports is concerned and my favourite teams are concerned.... am a pessimist !
Now begins my prayers for the elusive League triumph.

For.....????

2008-10-03T11:38:00.003+05:30

Do you hear me?
Do you feel me moving through?
With my foot upon the gas,
Between the future and the past,
I am here...
...here where the desire to vanish
is stronger than the desire to appear !!

Singapore - Losing her virginity in the night

2008-09-27T07:39:00.008+05:30

Oh its awesome !!! Look at that circuit.... never has an F1 race made me go so ga-ga over it.... I have not stopped talking about it for the past three months. Its the Singapore GP of the F1 season and its a night race... yes my dear...its a NIGHT RACE !!!!

The speed demons will be zipping over the streets .. you heard me right... the streets of the wonderful city at night.... Singapore is the second of the only two street circuits in the F1 calendar and its the first night race....
Speeding in daylight itself is a nerve-wracking proposition. And here there are a bunch of fanatics who are thinking of driving at 300kmph in the night !!! And there are a million other fanatics like me who are grinning from ear to ear at the prospect of a historic race ... ALL IN THE DARK!!

The city is hosting her first street race and that too at night - this is so commendable of Singapore. Hail the officials for having the guts and the confidence. I wish it all the success and I hope all the people in Singapore appreciate this historic event. How I wish I could be there .... anyway no doubts that I would be glued to the tv today and tomorrow.

I couldn't contain my excitement and hence typed this early morning without even getting ready of office.....what the heck !! Man has stopped building the Taj Mahals, the pyramids and the Collosseums... but the pursuit to build something that still trascends the boundaries of comman imagination still remains. We, the modern humans, are still building, creating and conceptualizing some path breaking things. The romanticism has still not died out of us. And that's why the Chandrayaan must happen. Its to satisfy our inner child... to explore the exotic, to create the exotic and this race too is a tribute to that breed of exotica. Its intoxicating :-)

I am blabbering... I think I must better switch the tv on to spare my blog of more tautology ;-)

Pop !! God gives the answers !

2008-09-18T13:06:00.002+05:30

A dear one asked me, "How goes life?". Now what is new in this question? This is the most cliched, over-used, under-rated and self-analytical question that all of us keeping using as a greeting. When we ask someone "how's life?", we never intend to get an honest reply.... most of the times, "life's good", "nothing new machan", "life's rocking" etc kind of replies. I somehow end up thinking a lot each time someone asks me this question. And give an honest answer which sometimes embarrasses the other person since they would not have bargained for an 'introspective insight' into my take on my life. Lolz!! well, I find delight in that quandry that the person faces. Devilish ! Lol !

If someone asks, "Kaka, how are you?", I would spontaneously reply, " Am good." But not so for the former question. Lolz !!
Anyway, as I said, when as usual I was wondering about this question.... I got this :

A Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"

'50gms!' .... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.

"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

'Nothing' …..the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student

"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
….. ventured another student & all the students laughed

"Very good.

But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.

'No'…. Was the answer.

"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"

The students were puzzled.

"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students

"Exactly!" said the professor.

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep.

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

So, when you leave office today,
Remember to….
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '

So then I got the answer to my question. I replied back:
" Hakuna Matata"

"What you dancing for, kiddo?"

2008-09-01T22:49:00.002+05:30

Nauseous !

That is how I felt when I saw the pictures of the kids jumping around, celebrating the verdict of the Central govt. to allot land to the Shri Amarnath Shrine Board ! What are they being involved in this for? What do 5 year old kids understand about religious politics, agendas and propagandas ? Why are they so blatantly celebrating the ‘victory’ of ‘Rama’ over ‘Rahim’ ! It just saddens my heart.

Have we descended to such levels wherein we involve our innocent children in fighting for such base and immature causes. I still remember one member of some agitating group in Delhi giving sound bytes to the media that he knew that the bandhs and strikes were causing inconvenience to the public, but then to right a wrong or to fight for a cause, people will have to bear with such inconveniences and make such sacrifices. ‘sacrificies’? boy are you serious … I just shook my head in disgust.

Is this the way we are thinking? Have we lost our sense of reason? I mean which cause is being eschewed here by making millions and millions of people suffer in hunger, thirst, pain and misery? Just to get a few acres of land which does not even belong to any among those protestors?

A few weeks back I had seen a protest on M G Road near Chinnaswamy Stadium. It was being staged by the Pandits (from J&K) and who were in Bangalore. I saw kids and women shouting slogans and holding placards! Why are innocent boys and girls being made a party to such innocuous protests? Is this the learning and education that we are providing our children? And why are we using children to make up the numbers in a protest march?

I wondered while I saw the children dance along with a few elders, with colours of their faces and clothes – Do they even know what they are dancing for and what repercussions it might have on the relations between different sects of people? One of these celebrating children might grow up to become a Hindu fundamentalist bragging about his childhood days’ ‘netagiri’ or one of them might just grow up to become a sensitive individual who is against such narrow mentality. Will they both be able to forget this incident for the rest of their lives?

I don’t think so.

Hop, skip, jump & fly.... !!! ;-)

2008-08-29T10:22:00.001+05:30

Hop, skip, jump & fly ….

Usain Bolt must have cringed out in shame when he saw that athletic figure running on the roads of Bangalore. Whats the fun running 100 mts in 9 seconds in a lane where there is no hurdle… he he !!! Usainbhai, how about running at full steam on the footpath lining up M.G. Road? Hmmm… bolo bolo.. ;-)

Boy, I have had the best fun walking on M G Road in the evening time. Its wonderful, I swear ! My office is on M.G. Road near Trinity Circle. And invariably once in a while I take a walk from there to the other end of the road i.e. Anil Kumble circle. Trust me, its such a good stress reliever ! you see so many people walking around – women, children, beggars, peddlers, old couples, pimps, policemen, rich & the poor, celebrities & commoners, businessmen & loafers, students & destitues….. so many of them !

It’s a study in contrasts. Seriously ! The road is the hub of shopping and business and yet it is green enough and spacious enough ( am turning a blind eye to the Metro Rail work ). All I do is just walk with a smile on my face. You would be amazed with the way people smile back sometimes and frown the other times. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! the older people will always smile back at you, the young teenagers will always smile back. Its only the corporate rats who do not smile back as if they are the busiest people on Earth. Whew !

Then again, M G Road is a nice mix of people wearing all sorts of clothes… the hippies, the executives, the casuals, the semi-casuals, the skimpy, the burqas, the frocks, the shorts, the birthday suits and the Armani suits… all in one single stretch !

Of course the peddlers just add to the charm… I buy a guvava and munch on it while walking down and I cant help but look admiringly at the Bangalore sky, over the Manekshwa parade ground…. One side of the road is choc-a-bloc with buildings and structures while the other side is a huge open space used by the Army & NCC. Tree lined boulevard of the Cubbon road is close by and I can already see some children making their way to the cubbon park. I turn back and see Hard Rock Café on the wayside… hmmm.. well… been long since I made it to this place… I make a note of coming there.

But then a walk on M G Road can never be complete without a visit to India Coffee House ! lolz… this ramshackle coffee house is study in permanency… seriously I tell you…. The waiters, the soot on the walls, the dirt on their white uniforms, the limited menu, the dosa sans sambar, the anglo-indian menu… boy … with all the glaring mistakes that a retailer/restaurateur can make all presenting themselves in full glory at Indian coffee house, yet it’s a study in excellence of an idea. It got the first rule of Retail Marketing right. I was taught in my b-school… the first thing that a retailer has to get right is “Location-Location-Location”. And boy Indian Coffee House got the first rule bang on !

I quietly have a coffee, throwing glances at the contrasting crowd over there… yaaaa… here too, do visit, the neo rich and the commoners… what a nice mix ! some are reading and others are just relaxing over their coffee cups… I bet a Barista or a Coffee Day can never give you such pleasure.

Oh there is the shop that me and my sister came to shop…. I remember how amused the shopkeeper was when he was dealing with Shalu (my sister ) … sorry let me not reveal the idiosyncrasies of my sister or she might just not let me into Chennai the next time am there ! ( do you get a feeling that I am afraid of her… wel.. ummm.. errr… no comments ;-)

Coming to the best part of it all… you can walk on the road, staring at the motorist waiting at the signal. You see, you can have a clear look at them. Ever noticed how the face and disposition of a person on a bike or in a car is when they are waiting at the signal… or even of a person who is inside an auto … what goes through their minds when they are alone on/in the vehicle and looking around. ??? I always try and lock my eyes with them and try and see their reactions. Its interesting. I will maybe write more on this in a later post.

Another fun thing is when you are crossing the road over the zebra crossing and you see a swarm of vehicles, just waiting there due to the red light. They all would look at you while you cross the road… boy… its amusing… I try and look back at them and walk leisurely…. It’s a long stretch of zebra crossing and you can easily be caught in the jam, if you are not quick enough to cross within the stipulated time. And that is what happened to me… I was walking cooly over the crossing and suddenly I see the vehicles going vroom vroom…and I run for my life… I run like a mad man over the last 10 meters… he he he… while am running I catch a woman smile with a glint of mischief in her eyes as she is showing how not to cross the road to her 5 year old child. I smile back. Yeah right….. duhhhh !!

Whatever…. By the time am back at Trinity Circle, am smiling like a drunk monkey ! Chattering like a intoxicated baboon and looking haggard like a langoor . lolz !
That was fun ! and that is what I do every few days … I just disappear from office for half an hour or so. Switch off my phone and take a walk …. :-) all by myself and all for myself ! :-)

replacements

2008-08-29T00:14:00.005+05:30

I was just wondering .... there is no person in this world who is indispensible ... isn't it? I mean everybody is replaced by someone else in our lives...
So... what about God? Is God indispensible? or rather... is God dispensible?

Seigneur Montrez Votre Face :-)

2008-08-17T12:11:00.002+05:30

# Why do we need shelter from God?

My prayers are selfish. I wonder what the others come and pray for. What does the old man pray for/about? Why is the young man crying with his face covered? What do people pray for ? - Health? Happiness of dear ones? Most of them pray for others. Only I pray for myself. Only I pray for love. Only I pray for a companion. Bank balance is zero - but none the poorer.

# Why Does a Man Cry ?

He cries when he is helpless, when he finds that he was raped, mentally and physically. When he knows that he was used and abused.

#But whom does he cry for ?

One need not cry for someone. One can cry for something. Man cries when as soon as he wakes up he wishes for the end of the day.

'Merci' => Mercy

Of Sweat, Skill & Mind - And above all Belief

2008-08-11T13:44:00.001+05:30

It is one of those times when I cannot express how happy I am feeling even though there is nothing personal in this.
Abhinav Bindra was 17 when he went to Sydney on the back of some eye catching performances that caught my eye. I have followed his progress ever since and needless to say was disappointed when he didn’t live up to his potential in the last few years. How I cried like a baby when he lost a chance to win a medal for India in 2004 Athens Olympics. I remember I took out the frustration by lapping my football ground 25 times.

In his quest for Olympic glory Abhinav had to face some uncomfortable questions when he was repeatedly on his being from a high class family. Abhinav is from a very rich family and that did help in him not being too bogged about pursuing his goals. But I used to always be wary about this chap since I thought once he failed in Sydney he would be distracted and would not reach the heights that many of his fans thought he could. But when he came back strongly in 2004, my admiration for him became more stronger. He was never my favourite sportsman, but I somehow had a soft corner for him.

Never thought he would get the gold yaar !!! whew ! a few days back The Times of India carried an interview of him, wherein the interviewer asked him, whom does he want to credit with his resurgence. He he told coolly “ I will credit only myself for this”. I was shocked to read it since I thought he was not being modest. But I guess he knew what he was saying. Its this steel that got him the gold. Lesser mortals cannot understand all this and might term his attitude as cockiness or overconfidence. Anyways its like Howard Roark of The Fountainhead…. All of us admire him in spite of his attitude. Objectivism .. hmmm

Anyways today as Abhinav has bestowed his country with a medal that will be the cynosure of all discussions ( read cricketer bashing, in the wake of our team’s failure in Sri Lanka), we can just wish for this great sportsman to carry on with this and remain focused.

I am not able to pay a tribute to Abhinav Bindra since I think his journey has just begun. Also I am too overwhelmed to write any good English. He ! He ! He ! I wish I can wait to pen a tribute to some other men and women who have gone to Beijing to vie for the glory…. Vijender Singh, Saina Nehwal, Anup Sridhar, Anju George, Rajyavardhan Singh, Gagan Narang, Leander Paes. I believe in them.

But today I am very sure that God is kind. 

Shruti's Gift !!!

2008-07-31T20:22:00.004+05:30

There are some gifts that are not really 'gifts' and yet they mean so much to you.

Some of the times, when you are feeling really down, there are certain people who sense it and help you deal with the situation. They might not offer a solution or make you happy all over again, but they might just help you deal with it like a man.

Today, Shruti just helped me in such a way. She sent me this poem and I cannot express how much apt this poem was or how it just helped me think positively. It was really sweet that she took the pains to search for hours and hours together to gather the most appropriate words to send to me. Such gestures make you feel so proud of yourself. Proud that you know such wonderful people who really are nice ! These days its so difficult to do something for others, and yet such wonderful souls keep doing such beautiful things to help us poor souls. Who says gifts have to be tangible or even big or valuable.... such small gestures are sometimes the most priceless gifts that a person can get.

As a tribute to a wonderful person, I reproduce the poem she sent me, so that all you readers can also appreciate the powerful words that Tom Krause ( the author ) penned.

Always Be Your Best !

When you think it doesn’t matter
if you fail or pass the test.
Keep in mind the reason why
you should always be your best.

While the whole world may not notice
if you tried to give your all,
there is a person in you
to whom it matters if you fall.

That little voice inside you -
which directs your thoughts each day -
will make the final judgement
if you won or lost each day.

Never can you fail yourself
if you give it all you’ve got.
The world extends a hand to you
when you give life your best shot.

For all that really matters
when you're finished with your test,
is not the final score at all -
but did you do your best?
- Tom Krause

An innocent question !!

2008-07-25T18:43:00.009+05:30

Formal dresses !!! It is a common practice to wear formal clothes in offices. So we always tend to dress up in blues, blacks, whites, greys ( not me !! grey is not for me), khakis, beiges etc etc. But pre-dominantly it is the menfolk who wear such colours. For men the definiton of formals is
1) Cotton trousers with or without pleats & shirts that are not cheks, usually full sleeves.
2) Colour of the above must strictly be non-flashy or bright. Usually the ones listed out above.

But for women there is no restriction of colour. They all wear reds, pinks,parrot greens, yellows (yuck !), even fluorescent. !!! And all these on a weekday. Sure they wear white-shirts-and-black trouser' type western formals too. But their concept of Indian formals, always baffles me. THey will wear all such bright colours.

Now do not get me wrong at all ! I love the cheerful colours. I absolutely love it when a woman walks in a graceful cotton salwar kameez that is as bright as my face on seeing her. Same for the lovely ladies who wear those graceful western formals.

All I am asking is for some equality for us poor men too !!!

I mean, why can't a man wear a nice bright coloured shirt to work on a weekday? And why are full-sleeve shirts so sacrosanct? I mean, why do I get pulled up for wearing a bright coloured shirt to work? I just do not get it. If these colours are jarring to the eyes of others, then would they not create the same affect when women sport such colours themselves?

There was this lady in this all male meeting yesterday, wearing bright pink salwar, bright pink lipstick and golden brown hair to complement her beautiful whitish skin. And she stood out like an eye-candy out there. The question here is should she realize it and be more restrained in her choice of colour or should we men stop looking at colours as being so jarring to our eyes? Do we need a change in the way we think? Do we stop looking at women who dress up like dolls in our offices as frivolous? I mean its so wrong to think of a women like that when she actually might be a sensible person ( most women are ). But still we men will make fun of her and talk about her looks and mannerism more than the content that she spoke.

Its true na.... there is something not quite honest about the way we think.... and by 'we' I mean both men and women....

A little thougth is required in our pre-conceived notions.... dunno if I made sense, but still... i feel there is some lack of honesty and some hypocricy involved here... somewhere somthing is not quite acceptable to my heart. !!

chuck it man!!! there goes another of those beautiful creatures in... oh, let me guess... a yellowish, orangish, reddish, maroonish, greenish dress....I cant even spot her face... her dress is that bright... he he !!! not to mention about her bright yellow shoes and cherry red lipstick. Along with him walks a man in sky blue full sleeve cotton shirt and a black pleated trouser. ! he he !! both are the same designation and have come to meet our head of the department. How strange is the way the rules are defined for men and women !!!

funny !!!

Giving back to the society ! - eh ? what's that?

2008-07-25T10:33:00.001+05:30

My senior colleague and me, were returning from our client meeting about 30 Km from Bangalore city. And since both of us share a nice rapport, we were having a free wheeling discussion on our careers, family etc. He narrated about his struggles in life working in Mumbai, Kerala and Bangalore. His outlook on how the career progresses and how we try and manage our family along with all this. Hmmm… he was telling me how on a holistic perspective, God had been kind to him. Although he never was rolling around in money and happiness, yet he says that there has always been a help from up above and that HE has always taken care of him in tough times.
Then he said that he can now afford the various luxuries of life and he donates Rs. 500 to some temple and charity. He said that it was a way of giving back to the society. Ever since ( its been a week now )- this has been going around in my mind.

Is this a way of giving back to the society?

Many people have a thinking that they have to give something back to the society. And donating money to temples and charity is a way of doing that. I am not sure if it’s the right thing. I mean…. I dunno . But for the first time I really am unable to frame my thoughts on this and that is precisely why I have put this on my blog before writing about it.

I myself have donated to charity and I felt nice about it. But then I never had the feeling that I am giving back to the society. I just felt like any ordinary thing. I am ashamed to say this, but I just felt like I just gave a rupee to the road side beggar. I mean, I made a donation to an organization and yet, I felt as if it was a …. Dunooo…… man ! This sucks ! how can I not feel anything and yet feel so much ? :-(

What is giving back to the society ? Can anybody really explain ?

Hooked ?

2008-07-20T20:13:00.004+05:30

Whats this thing about marriage, that everyone seems to be so keen on ?
If there is one question that I have to constantly keep on answering is , about my marriage.... whew !
"so any good news?", " so what plans for the future?" they ask
I shoot back," what future?" . " about marriage !!!" they exclaim.
What the heck, is future = marriage ? Geezzzz !!!

I can understand older people asking me that question, but I cannot fathom as to why even the young people ask me the same. Well, I expect them to understand our thinking more. But all they care for is " who is the new girl in your life?" " which woman are you dating now that you are single and a smart eligible bachelor?" whooaaaa... " what do you mean by that?" I ask, " Was I not eligible or smart earlier?" They just roll their eyes !! Boy, did I miss something here I ask myself. Instinctively I look into the mirror. And what do I see... well.... any changes in the past one year... well... ummmm... yes, I start the count,
1) clean shaven more often
2) lenses
3) long hair which, for a change, is well maintained ( still growing them but will chop them off any day, boss doesn't want me to look like a 'hero' - how sad )
4) more fat around my bones ( he ! he ! )
5) always a smile on my face
6) emminent lack of stamina - proof of my dour corporate activities ( or rather lack of it )
7) Dislike for money. Thats why I try my best to not be left with any as soon as possible ( chuckle !)
8) expert cook ( this has turned to be a curse - my mom was commenting the other day, " I always thought cooking is a criterion for girls to be called eligible but never knew that my talking about your culinary exploits will get the women flood me with marriage proposals."
9) no body odour (makers of BRUT must be a happy lot - hope they give me some shares for I too deserve to be given credit for the spurt in sales. Afterall I have been a loyal user of their product for 15 years now !!!)
10)naaahhhh... cant tell you this

So, .....

so nothing.

orkut was supposed to help find new friends.... but this marriage thingy has to crop up evertime I chat with my old friends .... everyone is obsessed with it... get a life man ! is there no other topic to talk about !!!! And when I say this, they feel hurt ! :-( whats there to be hurt about... I mean ! Chill madi !!!

And then there are these women from school who are now married.... and they think they have suddenly got the right to 'help me out as well '!! Can you believe that !!! They try and think of all the girls who liked me back in school or college and ask... " is she married already? why dont you tell her about you being single again. Am sure she still likes you. "

jesus !!! grow up woman !!!! that was school/college... long time back... people are not waiting there for me.... and its not as if I have a problem here finding women that I need to go on a search mission ! lolz !! :-) ammmo !!!

Arrey, even my sister is getting frustruated with this.... she already has to deal with the various relatives and family friends who seem to be troubling her with proposals.... to top it off, now she also has to be a messenger for 'pretty and homely ( what does that word mean anyways... duhhhh !!!) girls'. I still remember her class-mates commenting about the length of my moustache( ya, i used to have one back in school), my trousers etc etc and how my sister used to come home giggling and tell me and mom about all that...And now those very girls have become 'eligible and homely' it seems. But why me yaar.. go hunt somewhere else ! I am not ready to be caged yet.
We both were wondering the other day while we were out shopping on commercial street - " are we even ready for this?" It remained a rhetoric - thank god !

It seems all my friends are getting married - so? God, if they wanna then let them. why asking me to follow suit? I am a kid ! I wanna go to Africa, I wanna trek the Himalayas, I wanna bungee jump, wanna run as fast as the wind on the beach and win the best dancer prize for Latin American style.... kitna kuch karna hai abhi... :-) he ! he ! he ! I can see you laugh !!! You wait, guys !!! When you are busy panting away after your dozen kids and you over-weight wives, I will be hanging from some tree, trying to photograph the way the sun's rays fall over the rocks in some God forsaken land... maybe that land will be named after me "The Menon Place" - naah sounds like some run-down cafe in Puerto Rico.

Anyways I think I am blabbering enough... moreover my mood has changed to a pleasant one - thanks to the impromptu showers - rains just cleansed away all my irritation... whew !!! oh yeah... listening to spanish guitar pieces are a great way to pep up your spirits... am already listening to it... so I will now stop writing nonsense and do some 'leg-shaking' - 'hola :-)

beunas noches !!!

Persepolis

2008-07-20T19:48:00.004+05:30

Did you manage to catch this movie recently? Yes? - tussi great ho !
No - he ! he ! he ! go get a life then buster !!

I mean, how could anyone who claims to be cinema-lover miss this one? At the risk of sounding immodest.... what the heck...no risk-visk... immodestly speaking - I am a better connoisseur of cinema than you, in case you have willingly chosen not to watch this movie.

Its an animated movie. Its even more surprising that it made it to the theatres in India. Oh I am so glad am living in Bangalore. Its the perfect city for arts and culture... am loving every moment. I just wait for the weekends to catch a play or an exhibition or a concert or a book reading.... its only this weekend that I stayed at home for two full days doing nothing... absolutely nothing. he he !! There is a reason for that.

Oh this film is about rebellion... oh did I tell you about 'rebels' story of my life... ummmm...no I have not... ok I have to write about it sooner or later. Its about the 'rebel' in me and how my search for a fellow 'rebels' who turn out to be as boring and as hypocritical and as orthodox and as predictable as any stereotype would be. Whew ! Its about gradually being conscious of the rebel in me, then somewhere down the line loosing touch with it, my battles with normalcy and the resulting chaos that I created in my relationships,... blah blah... and such boring stuff !!! he he !!! Oh if you are thinking of the rebel as the commonly understood meaning of the term, then you are way off the mark... I have a different definition of what being a rebel is.... its not about doing things against the society, but communicating to the society.... hmmm... well wait for that post....

The last time I had given a short preview of a topic that I wanted to write about but was not getting the guts to write about - I ended up writing it ( the receptionist blog, about the females ). So this too is a way of ensuring that I do write about this topic too. I will... lets see how I finish it.

Oooh !! Do not forget to catch this movies as soon as you can. It was a really good effort. Won many awards... check it out on the net. Persepolis is directed by Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud. A girl's take on the life in Iran during the upheavels ! A political satire, a dark and grim reminder... fantastic creativity.

Aamir

2008-07-20T19:25:00.002+05:30

Oh how could I forget to recommend this... am kicking myself that I missed communicating this to all of you through this blog. Only today when the movie is to be premiered on tv, am I remembering that I should have written about it a month back when I saw the movie. I would have atleast helped in filling atleast a couple of seats if not more.

Well its again a recommendation for a movie... I know there are zillions of others who write about movies, but then I just can't help but pay my respects to the makers of this movie.

Yes am talking about Aamir. Its a pity that due to the pressures that such low budget, sans-stars-films face, that this movie is already going to be premiered on prime time tv. Its such an amazing movie... I saw it and am in love with it. I am not saying that its one of those movies like Jo jeeta wohi sikandar ( which I can watch everyday and still not get bored). Its a movie that will hit you for the honesty and its purpose. I especially love the music.

What stands apart are the protagonists eyes - Rajeev Khandelwal must take a bow here for his restrained acting. I always have a penchant for anything that is restrained.

The lack of romance or leading ladies is so refreshing and reassuring. Who needs mindless romances anyways. Although at first I thought it would be a real dark sort of a film, yet when I came out of the theatre, I was smiling. All I could think of was the look on Rajeev Khandelwal's face when he stands there with the suitcase in the last scene of the film. I felt like standing up and saluting him ! He did one thing that a perfect gentleman and true lover of righteousness would do. God would just have loved him ! :-)

Please do watch this movie if you love good cinema. It feels so nice when you spend those Rs.200 for the PVR movie show at Forum and still come out feeling that the movie was worth every penny !

Love Song for No One

2008-07-20T10:55:00.002+05:30

Siva, my flat-mate, asks some intersting questions sometimes out of the blue. He on Thursday night again asked one question to which I am still wondering what the answer actually is. The one thing common between us is that we both have this tendency of asking questions to which we do not really need an answer to. I mean, we are fine if there are no ready answers available.

He said, "These music directors and film-makers like Ilayaraja, A R Rahman, Mani Rathnam, etc have gave us such good music and movies ! You know Anup, I have been the happiest when I am listening to their compositions or watching their movies. Some of the best times of my life have been spent watching or listening to their works. They have helped me face sorrow, feel happy, express myself, relax and feel God. And what have I given back to them? I agree, we can buy their CDs, buy tickets to their movies and above all appreciate them. Thats it.... what more .... I mean I agree they make a lot of money and are very well off in life , but still, can it be a fair enough return for all the help they did to me during various stages of my life? Tell me Anup? "

And a rare occassion when Anup went silent.... I could just nod my head in wonderment. I could not counter it and I agree !
A R Rahman starts every speech of his by thanking Allah. He says that, "This fame and fortune is all yours and due to your benevolence" and that is how he starts speaking. Everything he owns and creates, he gives the credit to God. How humble ! There are some times when I just wonder, whether I am a lesser human!

Anyways, there it goes, another song of the various gems that John Mayer croons.... John Mayer... listen to his songs at night, I bet you will find peaceful happiness. He is not sad in his renditon... but rather realistic. Usually there is no right or wrong, repentance or weeping, or even ecstacy ! somehow his voice and guitar strings just seem so right !

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

Six Pence None The Richer

2008-07-01T21:40:00.001+05:30

Take my sorrow and my sin
I will run into Your arms again
Hold me Father
Once again my tears are dried
By Your perfect love that's river-wide
Over-flowing
As I stand on its bank
With my arms overhead
I am overcome
As I breathe
The air of Heaven
Drawing in Your fragrance
When I breathe
I feel your fullness come alive
Inside of me
You're the breath that I breathe
Covered by the evening sky
I turn my gaze to where Your kingdom lies
Deep inside me
A silent whisper in my mind
Sweet surrender to Your love divine
Peace enfolding
In the stillness I empty my soul
And Your healing presence flows
As I breathe
The air of heaven
Drawing in Your fragrance
When I breathe
I feel Your fullness come alive
Inside of me
You're the breath that I breathe
It's taking hold
It's second nature when I
Savor...
When I
Savor...

You

As I breathe...

Just in Time

2008-06-28T20:11:00.003+05:30

20:30 hrs on a Saturday. Me sitting in office. everyone's left and there is just one light flickering in the office... of my laptop screen !
Wonder what I am doing sitting so late in the office on a Saturday night.... well... am I even working? ... ok with Naresh Iyer crooning 'Kaadhal Konjam' through my computer and me reading the espnstar.com site, I do not think I am really 'working'. hmmm... !!!

I have a nice home, where we just washed the curtains a few days back, and did our laundry, bought a new carton of room-freshneer from the whole-sale shop ( chuckle !),got new special effect electronics gadgets to increase the dolby effect of our appartment - and yet I spend the 18 hours in a day outside of this wonderful place !

hmmmm... oh let me stop writing this and get back to work.. yeah yeah... i found out some work now for myself.... Oracle Fusion Middleware .. yaaa... i will do that work now... :-)

A Precious Human Life

2008-06-28T17:02:00.004+05:30

"Every day, think as you wake up.
Today I am fortunate
to have woken up.

I am alive,
I have a precious human life.
I am not going to waste it.

I am going to use
all my energies to develop myself,
to expand my heart out to others,
to achieve enlightenment for
the benefit of all beings.

I am going to have
kind thoughts towards others.
I am not going to get angry,
or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others
as much as I can. "

- His Holiness The XIVth Dalai Lama

Our God forsaken land !

2008-06-23T22:54:00.002+05:30

Sometimes I wonder - " Will God ever forgive us for what we have done to each other?"
But then I slowly realize that " God left us long time back !"

Jaane Koi Aanewala hai !

2008-06-10T20:28:00.003+05:30

There has been something on TV that has caught my fancy for the past few weeks. Never has a television commercial effected me so much. So much so that I just stare at the screen whenever I see it. This advertisement is that of Vodafone for their “chota credit” top-up. I am sure many of us might have seen it. Isn’t it one of the most wonderful and meaningful advertisements to have hit our television?
I sure think it is. :-)

The best aspect of the Ad is its execution. We all know that creatives are sometimes very tough to be executed and many a times, what comes out on screen is not what was conceptualized and hence does not have the same effect on the audience. But not in this case. The way the whole ad pans out and displays the emotions in a perfectly restrained manner is noteworthy. The girl’s sighs and the boy’s stylish responses just swoop me everytime I watch the Ad.

The background score is also so apt. The problem on display is such a common occurrence of our school days…. The frentic pace at which we write when the final bell is about to ring for the end of the stipulated exam time… the last minute glances as to which desk was the examiner collecting the answer sheets from… all was captured in a precise and controlled manner. The girl displays her disappointment in such an elegant manner… her conduct through-out the Ad was such a study in elegance and charm. The boy on the other hand comes off as a naughty character with a golden heart, although lending a drop of ink is no big sacrifice ! His style and quick-thinking is what endears him to the audience, not to mention his ‘bugs-bunny’ teeth .. he ! he ! :-)

And most of all the poignancy of the moment when they both look at each other while she dips her pen’s nib into the ink-drop is what melts my heart. There are a few times in our lives when we face this sensitive moment when we share a special moment with someone. It does not have to be a special friend or someone who is close to you… not at all… !!! It can be a perfect stranger ! A stranger whom you might never meet again in your life. But it does not dilute the moment from your memory. So many of us would have surely faced such ‘moments’. Tell me, have you not? :-)

I have been smitten by this Ad and it brings out a lot of memories. Memories of some moments from my schooldays and college days, memories of special people and also unspecial people, loved ones and strangers.

Moments !
Our life is made up of these moments na ! Some people can live a lifetime in those few moments and some can live a life with the help of these few moments. Wonder what we are? Think about what I just said – maybe you have an answer !

Till next time !

P.S. - Do not ask me the meaning for the title of this post. I myself do not know. Felt like saying "Jaane koi aanewala hai !" - Strings ! :-)

Plenty to name in a ' Name'

2008-05-08T19:41:00.004+05:30

Today morning, a friend informed me ..... " Jo has become Mrs. Subramanyam !"

Jo... the girl whom she had known all her life as Jo ( Jyothi ) had suddenly taken another name ! I was even more puzzled.... why do we change the names of women once they get married? I have seen some castes/regions in India, changing the first names of the newly wed women. So the innocent 'Tulsi' becomes 'Kalpana', Veenas become Lakshmis (lol )... and so on.

Why is there need for changing the single most important identity of a woman? I remember once asking the question to one of the elders in such a family back in Baroda and the reply I got was “ She has entered a new household, and become part of a new family. She now belongs to her husband and his family. So she must shed all her previous roles and become like this family. So changing name is a part of that process.”

I was livid ! I am still livid ! How can you say something like that ! How cruel !

Notice the usage of the word “belong”…. How can a person belong to another ? I have never understood this concept ! She is an individual with unique set of characteristics. How can you even imagine that you can change her and all that is her, by just changing her name ! How naïve !

Imagine what must be going through the mind of the girl ! She must be a wonderful lady with unique qualities and abilities – abilities that help her think in a manner that nobody can even fathom. Her nuances and intricacies of her mind…. All a unique package…. And yet she is forced to think like all of us normal people do… forced to assume an identity that is ‘not her’

Will a guy ever change his name ! I know that I will never agree to change my name! But yes, I will never force a woman to change her name. Heck I wont even agree to a woman changing her last name !
Why should a woman be always be known as a Mrs. Iyer or a Mrs. Menon or a Mrs. Subramanyam or a Mrs. Sharma ! And we take it a step backward by sometimes referring to her by mentioning her husband’s name ( for e.g Mrs. Sanjay or a Mrs. Deepak )
Why is the woman not allowed to keep her name as before marriage? I for one had always thought that I will never force the woman in my life to change her name , not even the surname (last name). Now I will never get that opportunity to show my rebellious nature… but I do always make sure that I drill this into my friends’ heads… that they must dare to not let the love of their lives, lose their identities. I know that by changing the name, it does not mean that the woman loses her identity… but still why the heck should she even have to do that….. Ask any woman, “ lady, do you ideally would like to change your father’s name attached to your maiden name? “ and she would say “ No “. Women love their parents far more than we men do. It does not feel good when they need to throw away their family name and assume another.
So why don’t we all let our women just be. Lets not get into fickle minded monotonous rules dictated by some demented fools

To make you look 'successful' - buy a flip phone !!

2008-04-30T09:34:00.002+05:30

Okies … another quickie !

Flip phones have made a grand comeback into the Indian market with a large number of users going in for these models of phones in India!

Motorola introduced clamshell models ( popularly known as flip phones) in 1996 and they made an entry into India a bit later than that. Initially although such phones did create a buzz in the market, just as the Irridum project did. But ‘flip-phones’ took a beating in the Indian market due to various reasons. The popular reasoning that gained acceptance during that time was that such phones required use of both hands. This was a disadvantage that was seen to be root cause of non-acceptance of the users who, in those times, were mainly business-class.
There were other disadvantage like the form factor, the non-sturdiness and the lack of ease in use, when compared to the normal phones.
Now – it seems all disadvantages are forgotten and there is nobody who does not fancy a flip phone. !!!!!

Mainly due to intelligent marketing by Motorola who wanted to associate their brand to a niche design like the flip phones and also due to the change in the mindset of the users of mobile phones in India.
I am amazed to find that all my classmates from my PG days, after getting a job, the first thng they do is to change their handsets ! Funny, eh! And most of them have gone in for flip phones !!!

I don’t know if they are all trying to make a statement that they are successful and upwardly mobile – a common perception among non-users of flip phones. Whatever be the reason, but it’s a very commonly known fact proven through research, that mobiles phones are perceived to be a fashionable accessory and many people want to show-off their handsets, since they equate it to their status and fashion sense! True – if watches, clothes, caps, spectacles, belts etc can be used to show-off, why not mobile phones !!!!

But all said and done, the disadvantages with the flip phones still stay and are here to stay. Just that people have found a way to justify their more fashionable choice. Nokia would be wondering why they went into designing ’user-friendly’ models !!

As I write this, I can see my friend who passed out with me in college, trying to write something, type something on his PC and also attend to his ringing phone … yeah flip phone… wonder why people who are in sales and other such professions who require to multi-task, go in for such phones when a simple traditional design would have served their purpose much better… maybe there is a reason that I am not able to comprehend.

There are many other friends of mine who too went in for a flip phone as soon as they got a chance to buy a new phone. Now I wonder whether I too will fall into that trap.. after all who does not like to be admired ! But as of now, I can just laugh at all my peers who bought a flip phone and are trying to justify it … he ! he ! he ! What a funny situation !

But Motorola needs to be appreciated for their persistent and intelligent marketing. They used the famous personalities well ! Whoever classified customers as ‘logical’ and impulsive’? All customers are illogical after a certain point of time – read after getting a new job !! he ! he ! he ! I can see at least one of my room-mates getting ready to beat me up for this piece !!!

And they call it Green !!

2008-04-29T09:02:00.003+05:30

Just another quick one !!

Have you all noticed the way the construction firms name their properties. 'Palm Springs', 'Silver Oak, 'Daffodils, 'Palm Springs', Oasis, 'Green Valley', etc etc...
All of them are everything but that !

What an irony that concrete structures and conceret jungles that we humans create are anything but greeen... There are constructions coming up all around the cities and all the greenery around those plots are being razed to the ground. And yet we have the balls to name the very same building built out of cutting down 50 pine trees as Greenview or a Pine Spring. How ironical !!!

Sample the few projects that are on-going or already constructed in the Garden City

Swanlake, Highlands, Springtime, Sunshine, Oasis, Four Seasons, Greenwoods, Orchid, Jasmine, etc et..

It just seems very funny to me !!! Isn't it?